Slouchy Slurps-a-Ton

Release date	18 April 2018
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Earwolf/Stitcher page	earwolf
Episode number	4
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"Slouchy Slurps-a-Ton" is episode number 4 of Threedom. It was released on Wed, 18 Apr 2018.

Synopsis[edit]

Scott, Paul and Lauren discuss working out and high school drama in their high school dramas. In their featured segment, the three hosts try to guess the names of vaguely described movies.This episode is brought to you by M. Gemi ( www.mgemi.com/THREEDOM ).

Episode Transcript[edit]

adding the raw software transcription, so that multiple people can help organize the text better. Alone, this would take a really long time

Episode 04 - April 18, 2018

episode title: Slouchy Slurps-a-Ton

=================================[edit]

Oh yeah. Oh yeah. Hey, that's how we start every episode of this show with the entourage theme. Ah, welcome. That's, uh, welcome to the show. I'm Scott Ackerman. I'm Paul F Token. I'm Lauren Lakin and we are doing this show. Welcome to our fourth episode. And, um, we're happy to be here and nothing would deter us from doing this. Thus we are here. That's why we're like the mailman. Exactly. We're like the podcast. Mailman, rain. Sweet. No. Or Fire. Fire. There's fire right now in la That's true. I don't, I think the fire would stop. They've never, yeah, they've never mentioned fire. Like, if your place burns down, do the, does the, the post office have to throw mail on the cinders? Yeah. Clean yourself up. God, welcome to the show. Welcome to the show. And this is the show where we just, uh, sit around. Jaw in. That's right. And, uh, occasionally we'll do something interesting. So hopefully you'll be interested in spending a little time with us. We're just three friends and we wanted to do a show to together. Yeah. So we did. That's what's so wrong about that. That's it, that's all we wanted. If you've got three friends, you can do no. If you've got two friends, yes. You can do a show just like this if you want. And who amongst us does not have two friends? Well, don't hurt anyone's feelings. What do you mean? Maybe someone has, maybe someone only has one friend. They can't do the show. Okay. I, I'm not, I'm not making a judgment. I'm just, these are the rules. These are, this is the format that we're trying to franchise. Um, now Lauren, you brought a banana? I did. And you are, what are you gonna do with it? Is it, is it the peel or, I'm trying to, I'm trying to get a glimpse in there. Do you, do you have the banana within it? Yeah, I did. I, it's got a banana inside it. It's not just a hollow peel. No, no, no, no, no. I didn't have a hollow peel and then sew up the end, so it looked three dimensional. It's, uh, it would be three dimensional, to be fair. Oh, you're gonna say that? It's a banana. Um, I mean, what do you wanna know about it? Whatcha are you gonna eat that bad boy soon? You know, I've had my two clementines. I also had breakfast. What's your daily regimen? You have, you have breakfast, then you have two Clementines. Mm-hmm. And then you have a banana. Hold on just one second. Uh, goodbye. Nula new listeners. Okay? Yes, go ahead. I like to have a steady stream of snack. And what snack? What's your workout regimen? Um, I. I could get into that. Cause I, it's my new thing that I do. Oh, is it real? That's like a typical, uh, question that women don't like to be asked. Oh, well, I've never worked out in my life until last March. What happened? I started working out, I went on, um, the dumbbells podcast, which is Ryan Stinger and Eugene Cordero's podcast all about like fitness and stuff. And I. Just talked about that, how I don't do anything and I, I didn't really care that I didn't do anything. I was pretty proud of it my whole life. Um, but kind of wanted to work out, but I just had no motivation to do it. And they talked to me about it and then Stanger gave me some, like tips and some things I could do at home, and it just started the ball rolling for me. Mm. That was actually like the winter before last spring. So he told you to roll a ball? Yeah. Yeah. And I started rolling that ball. Let me tell you, my arms got ripped. Um, but I got a, I started working out just very, like a little bit at a time here and there. And then when I got, I. Back in town. Cause I was out of the country for a few months after I did that podcast, so I was like barely doing it. I committed and I have been working out two to three times a week, taking 60 minute classes. Since March. I've done like 80 something classes. Now it's December. What kind class do you take? Uh, I do like bar classes. Mm-hmm. Like dance, like pop physique bar method. I've done a couple dance things, but then I, or I do like Pilates and stuff, which I just started, but it's really fun and I never would've thought I would enjoy it. And I really like it and I can see the difference. Like I have muscles and I've never had muscles before really. And so it's really cool. It Good for you. Do you also, do you also feel better? Yeah, and I feel like my posture's gotten better and like, I don't know, there's a lot of, okay, we, you know that Paul and I call you s Slouchy, so Nice. I just like having a nickname. When's slouchy coming? Coming back, slouch. But yeah, it's cool. It, I, I think I never understood that, like why it would feel so good to do it before. Mm-hmm. Like I felt like people were annoying when they talked about it, and I was like, whatever, do whatever you want. And now I feel like I get like, why? Like once you start to see a change in yourself, it's really fun to keep pushing it. Right? Yeah. Let me ask you about this banana. Yeah. Because it seems a little. On the green side. Is that how you like your bananas? I like it. A, uh, this is actually pretty good. It's a little bit green, but mostly yellow. I, I have to say, I bought this banana at Target, which is not my preferred place to buy fruit. Mm-hmm. Um, but I was there and I just needed their sponsor by the way. I, I needed some random things. You were there buying Christmas dinner, threw bananas in my cart, whatever, and oh, whatever. Throwing a bunch of bananas in my cart. That guy. The checkout, like put the bananas in the bottom of the bag and start like piling, like cleaning supply. He put like random shit on top of it and I was thinking they must really not be used to like, they have a whole grocery section, but it feels like it wasn't like something they were trained on. Right. Yeah. Um, yeah, it's my hope story. Have you seen these small targets now? My mom was very excited about it. Oh yeah. Like the city targets or like, are they city target? I don't know. I guess one was built by her house and she's like, it's a target, but it's not. A, a whole target. It's a smaller target. It's like a Tino. Yes. And oh, I dunno if I've seen that and I think I haven't seen it either. My, I think, I think my dad called it something like, not targe, but like tar, uh, I can't even remember. I, I love Target. Do you really? Yeah. Does it, uh, because of childhood memories or just you, uh, adults. Experience, adult present. I like going somewhere where I can get everything that I need. Like it's pretty, I end up spending so much more money, which is like what everyone says about Target, but I got go there and get everything. I love drug stores and office supply stores. Yeah, I love them. Do you buy office supplies A lot. Or you just like, or do you like the, it's the order that it implies of like, look at how everything is organized. I just like, I love seeing all the supplies. It's like, here's all the things that you need and they're here. You love imagining the owner of the store, like making his order list of like, oh yeah, we need more erasers. He is like, I got, I need a pen. I have plenty of pens. I like that. I love those stores too. They remind me of going back to school, which is a good feeling. Going back to school for me was like, I liked the idea of buying things. Mm-hmm. Like getting notebooks and stuff like that. Pencils. But it was also, it was bittersweet because I was going back to school. Do you, if you guys could go back to school for a year, Like high school, like knowing what you know now, I, I don't even know if like you'd be transported into like, just say that it's adults. Like every, every adult gets there. There's a, there's a high school for adults and everyone gets to go for one year. I don't know what in what situation this is, but just like everyone's an adult. It's not like you're sitting around, but you get to do all the things that you did in high school. You get to do prom, you get to, you get to have electives. I'd probably have way more fun, I think I'd probably learn more. Yeah, I would learn more. I think. I was thinking the other day that I could, like, I think I could crush the SATs now. Hmm. What, what was your score? I think about that sometimes too. Um, I don't wanna share that. No. Score wasn't horrible, but I didn't study ever. Mm-hmm. I didn't like prepare for 'em. I got 1170 on that SAT t Okay. That's good. But I didn't, I didn't study and I like, liked that, like I got a 28 on the a c T without studying at all. But I think if I were to do it, I, if I were to do it now and try and care because Yeah, you'd, you'd have a goal and now we're used to actually achieving goals. Yeah. Which back when we were young, it was like, Ugh, God goals. But now everyone has to say what they got on those tests. Right. Yeah. So, go ahead. I honestly, I don't remember what I got on my SATs, but I, I remember I did pretty well, but it's same thing, like I didn't really study much for it because I was always good at tests like that. Yeah. Yeah. You know, I was always, I was always good with. Like just deductive reasoning, eliminating options and you know, that kind of thing. Yeah. But, um, but yeah, I don't remember. I got 1390. That's good. Which would, and I never, the other thing about high school is I realized I never actually read a book or I, I think on one of our previous episodes I was talking about how I just carried every book I needed and I never went to my locker. But I also never read a book in high school. And you mean like literature, like books You were assigned? Books I was assigned. I never read them. I just would, how I would pass the tests by, Like listening to the teacher talk about them and kind of like gleaning what I needed to know about 'em. And then I would write a report based. Did you try reading books and then you were like, I don't wanna do this. The books that they were giving us, I, I'm, I'm sure I'm interested in them now, like, you know, I don't know, 1984, heart of Darkness. I don't even know if I still could read it, but, um, you know what I mean? I just wasn't, I was interested in doing my thing. I was doing my thing. Did you read books that you chose at that time? When I was in high school, not. Re, although I did read plays and stuff cuz I was doing theater. I probably, I pr you know what, when I went to college, when I was 20, uh, when I went to my theater college, the, my Shakespeare instructor was saying, was said to me, you're obviously very well read because I, when I was young, I read a lot. Uh, and then I really didn't, from junior high to high school, you talked a lot about Encyclopedia Brown. Great Brain. Um, you're obviously really well read, but, but, um, did you say Bugs Meanie? I know who that is, but, but I thought to myself, oh gosh, I'm just faking it. And so then, then I would go to like used bookstores and buy. All the classics and then try to read them. Right. And so I have a whole, you know, uh, bookshelves filled with just like classic novels of which I've read half. Mm-hmm. Like I got really into, I. Uh, Nabokov or Nabokov, however you say it. Um, and I got into, uh, it's Buku, Nabokov. I got into, uh, Kafka and, uh, Kafka, doki like that. But, but then I would try, I, I've had this like giant book of Play-Doh for. For years. Mm-hmm. For 25 years that I bought in a used bookstore, and I finally, recently was like, never gonna read it. Throwing it away. Yeah. Like it's, it's just not interesting to me. Sometimes it's nice to get rid of those things, you know, you're never going to crack into because then it stops becoming like a weight on you. Like, yeah, one day I'm supposed to do that. I eliminated a lot of books from my home because I realized I don't. I'm never gonna read these again, and I don't care about displaying them to people. Mm-hmm. You know what I mean? Mm-hmm. So we have, we have one book Bookcase in our home and it's got like, um, you know, it's a lot of books by. There, there's a number of books that I haven't read yet mm-hmm. That are there. But then I also, once I got a, I, you know, with, with technology, like reading an actual book, flesh and Blood book is, I haven't done it in such a long time. I prefer it though. I do too. I prefer reading. Yeah. Yeah. Than on the iPad. Although when I'm on vacation, the iPad is some, but I don't know. I don't know. I, I really feel like I read a lot more when I have the actual book, but yeah. And it's, and it also feels like a break from the phone and computer and stuff. Absolutely. Where when I'm doing the iPad, I feel like I'm still like ruining my brain. Yeah. Mm-hmm. I don't know which, uh, which things would you enjoy doing in high school that if you could do it again? Um, Would you, would you do the exact same things? Like what, what were some of the electives, Lauren, that you used for, um, theater? So would you do theater again or does that seem like work now to you? I think I would because it would be fun. Like I think, and you'd be a star. I'd be the best and people would go, she's not a horses. I was voted best actress in my yearbook really voted. Best actor. Oh good. I wasn't, I wasn't voted anything. Most likely for Cotton. Did you I did plays. I went to a theater, I place, I did play, I did, I do plays. I went to a theater high school, the, the High School of the Arts, my senior year. It, it, oh well then that you have like enormous competition. You went to Best Actor school, like we're all the best actors and went, was I the lead in Chicago, Billy Flynn? Yes, of course. Wow. Where did I, oh, I heard you talking about this on off book. Oh, did I? Oh, did I? Yeah. You sure did. Talked about all the leads he got. It is a weird show to do when you're in high school. That's everyone's in their underwear. Yeah. Yeah. It's weird. I'm surprised some of the shows that That schools do. Yeah. That are just like, kids shouldn't be doing this. Well, my school had great actors. Actors. Like I was never in any of the real plays. I auditioned for every single one. Wait, but, but you got best actors, but you were never in any of the place I was in, I was in our like, yearly show that was written by students and directed and perform my students. It was like a, basically a sketch show. And I was in that, almost like a pep rally type thing or? No, it was a, it was like a real show. It was a real, so people would come to it? Yeah, it was like a, a, it's been going on since like the fifties. What's it called? Yamo? Well, it's based on the northwest version's, based on the Michael McDonald song. Yamo Be there. Of course. No, it's based on the Northwestern show, which is of the same thing like WAMU or something. Okay. R sort of that, that wasn't spelled Y A M O. Okay. Um, and what's wamu It's like the Northwestern Sketch show that they, we were like, In the same town. So it was like our version of that or something. I don't know why I'm west of the Mississippi, so I have no idea what you're talking about. Okay. I don't even know either. Um, but it was like our special show cuz like I, I directed it my senior year and like, oh really? Why didn't you win? Best director then. Cause I wasn't the best. Um, that wasn't an option. Uh, no. But it was very like special show. But so all the kids like to come to that show and so I think more like probably students went to that show more than to the other show. Okay. Probably more community people seen those. And you were in it as well as directing it? Yeah, I was in it every day. Do you remember the bits that you did? Were they ski? Yeah, I was in one where I was like a really bad school photographer. And I just like made everyone look awful in their pictures. And that was, did you write, did, was this a written thing? It's written by students, so I wa when I was in it, I didn't write it. And then when I, like as a senior, I wrote one thing I think and Got it. Um, was it open to all classes or just the upperclassmen? Mm-hmm. No, everyone. Okay. And were the sketches funny like that the kids wrote or, yeah. We always thought it was a great show. Yeah. I mean, so this year was the 60th anniversary. Wow. And I was invited to go back, but I couldn't go cause I had a friend's wedding and was sad. Couldn't go. And I sent a video. But then like a, like there are a lot of people who come to my school who are famous, like Jesse Mueller, who's like on Broadway, who's, and she was Carol King in the beautiful musical. Mm-hmm. She's a Broadway star. She's, she's investigating Donald Trump for collusion. Their whole rush, their whole family is all like actors. So I think they took over the show, um, which is great. But they, uh, but I was sad to miss it because I, I would've loved to see the. The current class do it. Cause I have no idea. That's the thing outside of my age, you know what I mean? After I left my school, uh, theater programs, I would maybe a couple of times I would go back, uh, for a few years after, and they always looked kind of small and rinky dink. But when you're in them, they feel giant and like, yeah. I think I mentioned this on off book, like the, the shows, the two shows that I saw before I got into high school with I. Uh, that were at the high school theater department that I wanted to be in. Were like, still, I remember them being the best shows I've ever seen. They were like, me too. That's what I was gonna say. The, I remember the actors at my school being amazing. Yeah. Doing the street car, the Henry Higgins and my, my Fair Lady. I remember him being the best actor I had ever seen in my life. And I've just, I'm so curious. Like, I think they were legitimately good. Like a lot of them went on to do like things and whatever, but like, I was just transported. Like I was, but they were, they truly amazing. You know, like, I don't, I don't know. I don't know. We can never know, I guess. Well, I thought that I, that I was amazing when I was in those plays and watching them years later on vhs. You have tapes of them? I do, yes. I have a few tapes of mine too. God, I don't don't think I have anything. I gotta digitize 'em because I want to watch all of them. I have a lot of my choir performances. Oh my God. But here's the thing, I was in choir too. Uh, so obviously looking back at it, I'm like, Oh, I'm just like every other high school actor where talking very slowly. Well, I think, I feel like when, when you're, but it's still better than other people. Yeah, yeah, yeah. When you're in high school, isn't it just like whoever can overcome their shyness to be outgoing Yeah. Is like, you know what I mean? Is like, but there was, there was a difference between. You know, people that could, you could tell when somebody was a, was a good performer. Right? Like by those standards. Yeah. You know? Yeah. Someone who's like a professional bad actor. Yes. You know, like, oh wow. They're saying their lines, they're projecting, they're, they seem like very specific about what they're doing, but I've never been invited back to my school for any alumni things. Right. Because they've done alumni shows and stuff like that. That's crazy. But here's why. I think because it was a Catholic school, I'm very, I. Clearly not Catholic anymore. Right. I've never given money to the school. Right. And I don't care about the school. Well then, there you go. But that'll do it. I still want want that invite? You should be invited. I'm, I think that is weird. So I can turn them down and get Well, I'll give you an opportunity to not turn them down. Right. Maybe you'd be like, well, huh. Maybe I should. I just went back to the, my High School of the Arts a few months ago actually, and gave us, gave a talk to the kids. Really? What was it about? How to suck a dick? And then the cops showed up. Um, no. It was just, yeah, I was hanging around my high Cool. Talking to the kids, talking about, suck a dick. Here's how you do it. Kids apparently slurp a tongue. That's my, that's why we go slurp tongue. That's my lesson. Oh, apparent slurp tongues tongue here. Ah, sl urrp slur Baton is not a bad title for this show. No, it was just, I, I got, I got asked to just, and it was weird because when it doesn't have a certain topic, it's like you end up just kind of talking about like, oh, I don't know. Here's how I got into show business. Maybe maybe you could do something like that, or whatever. Right. Oh, wait, and what did they, what was the question they, that everyone wanted to an answer to? Well, the few times I've, I've gone to a few high schools. Yeah. If, if I get asked to, I'll go to it. I actually went to Harris Whittle's High School this last year too, which is great. And tho and those. And most of those people had very specific questions that they had thought of in advance. But anytime I go to these, like just general high schools and talk to people, they don't know who you are. They don't care. Right. They're like, oh God. At least it's not the teacher talking, but this is boring. Yeah. All they ever want to hear is like, so do you know Kevin Hart? Right? And do you No. He's the one person, although he's the one person you don't know. The one guy I've never met. Do you know Tom Cruise? Yeah, he's my best friend, Lauren. Oh, I'm creeped out. He's jumping around on the couch by me, me, me, me. Oh, Oprah. Oprah. I would go back to my school though and do a show. Yeah, yeah. Well, thing would be fun. I like to be like an alumni show. Yeah. If I, if I could do it with the people that I did it with then, and you'd have to, you'd rehearse much fun. You'd rehearse for like a day or something. Yeah, I was like, I was sad I couldn't go. And then, and then I was a little bit like okay with it because I thought it probably wouldn't live up to whatever expectations I had for it. But then I was like, what do I even expect? I don't know. So it was a back and forth, you should go next year. Just go, I'm here. I'm like, there's no celebration. 61st year. I would like to see my old teachers. I like them. I did this really weird thing when I used to work at Chin Chin in the valley. I don't know Paul, if you ever came by the restaurant in Studio City. No, I did in Studio. Studio City. Yeah. I did not. Um, we were all like sort of close, like all the managers and all the waiters were all kind of close. Like we would have a Christmas party and everyone would go and everyone would sing karaoke. We would always hang out together and all this. So, Our favorite manager was having a birth, either his like 50th birthday or his like anniversary with a company. I don't recall what it was. So we, so we did, we, we had a surprise party for him where we put on a show. Oh wow. So weird and you cared so much. We, we loved him. I actually went over to his house once and uh, with like three other people and watched the odd couple cuz he was like, you only know, you only know the, the TV show. You gotta watch the original film. I'd never seen the original film. So we went over, he toss how to suck. So I was waiting for him. No, but we, we, I remember me and a bunch of the other waiters did the song Officer Krupke from West Side Story. Oh my God. Did you put in his name? Uh, manager Willie. I think it was simply because he liked the fact that so many of us had done musical theater and he was like always walking around singing songs or whatever, and we were like, we'll do a song for him. That's cute. But the weird part about it was, was that, um, Two of the people involved. One of them had had, it had just come out that he had started sleeping with the other one's wife and they, and it was a big scandal. And then, and then I would think that one of them would drop out. They still did the show. They still did the show and we rehearsed it together. And like during the rehearsals they would like split up and walk away from each other and like not talk to each other. That's like, and then they'd be, Hey Officer Rum. Yeah. What are you doing? It's insane. Go home. It's insane when I think about it, like it's one of the craziest things and tension filled. And just like Wow. So insane that I've ever been a part. So I mean that's professionalism. Yeah. I mean, you know, didn't miss a performance. We only had one. The show must go on. That's crazy. Yeah. That's truly insane. Oh my God. But also that these guys weren't together at a restaurant. Like, I gotta fuck that guy's wife. Yeah. I can't not do it. Well, she, did she work there too? Yeah. Yeah. My God. And she was like, monsters. Anyway. What crazy stories do you have? Well, we all fucked each other in my plays. Um, of course, of course we did. Every, I mean, that's what high school drama is all about, right? Well, I didn't know. I wasn't part of that. Well, I, I, there was a high school drama with my high school drama. Oh really? We did senior year. We did. Um, What the fuck was the name of it? South Pacific. Mm. Because we did a big musical. Every, I gotta watch that Man Night, Adam. My, I, I always loved that song when I was little. I didn You loved it when you were little. That song I think maybe my mom sing had or something. It's very, I could see a kid latching onto that, that you've got to be carefully taught. Scott's standing on the table. What am I Slurps a lot. Slurp, srp. Slurps a ton. Slurps a ton. Rps A ton. Slouchy. Slurps a ton. Um, and the, a big weird thing that happened was not his dick, Jesus Christ. Sorry, go ahead. There are two, there are two male romantic leads in that show. With each other. With each other. There's a young guy and there's an older guy, and the the always, the second leads are always the quirky leads, right? Aren't they? No, not in South Pacific. In South Pacific. Oh, okay. There's, there's, oh, there's, there's the interracial couple who's like the leads. Leads, right. Well, I'm trying to remember the sum. Janet. Evening people, the younger people. The summit. Janet Evening is Emil Debe, the Frenchman. Okay. He's French and Nellie for Bush. Right. Who is an American white person. Right. And then, um, uh, the younger couple is the interracial couple. Right. It's, uh, I can't remember. Yeah, Liat is the name of the girl and then the guy is like lieutenant somebody. I was hired to do a cable. I was hired to do that for a summer and I, and I went to one rehearsal and it took me an hour and 15 minutes to get there cuz it was down in Orange County from here. And I bailed on it and never, never called it to say I was quitting. Right. They're still wondering what role did you play? I think I was in the chorus or something. I think I like they, they made you, it was one of those things where they make you audition. Say if you don't get a lead and you audition, you still have to like, you have to be in the chorus. Like you have to be in, like you auditioning. Is you auditioning to be in the show? Oh, no. Uh, and and you can't just not get a lead and then bail. Oh hell no. Wait, so what, wait, what happened? So they cast, uh, in the role of Emil Beck, who is this, uh, you know, French French owner? Yes. A teacher from the school. Oh damn. I think you told me about this. Or a talented teacher. Yeah, I think we talked about this, but keep going. Yeah. And so there's a scene where already episode four and we're talking, we were, no, I think you talked about it at a different Oh, we talked about it at a different thing. Oh, okay. There's a scene where, think the show where they, these characters have to kiss. Oh. And so there's this. Married teacher who's kissing this high school student that is so wrong. Like that's insane. Right. It's, it's like obviously don't like Yes. This poor child, first of all. Yeah. Yeah. Creepy man. Can't be anything less than creepy. Yeah. Who are even committing to doing that? So the, the, the, the female part was double cast. There were two girls. There was a senior and a junior. And I know the senior double cast even. Oh, creep. Oh. They double cast all these parts. Oh, I know, but still kids not his part though. Yeah. And I was, I remember being mad cuz it's like cast, we weren't, weren't to a. Well, yeah, we weren't allowed of to audition for that part. That's so weird to, and it speak it to a kid. It's like, go do community insane theater. It's insane. Or something. Let the students who was only get to be here for Yeah. And wasn't a, it was a Catholic school. Was it? Like a priest? Yes. No, no, no, no. Okay. It was a lay teacher. Okay. That is so nasty. Yeah. And of course the guy like stuck his tongue in her mouth. Oh, did he? Did it? Yes. Oh, what? Yes, yes, yes. That's cr that's crazy too. That's, that's not, that's not, so even if, even if you were seeing South Pacific and the, and Emil Beck was sticking his tongue in Nelly for Bush's mouth already and they were adults. That would be weird. Like what? It's just like obviously you just hug her or something. Oh. Like, you know what I mean? Like the audience will Yeah. They'll get it or kiss her on the cheek. When I think of it now, it is so's demented that they crazy allowed that to happen. That's really, really sick. Yeah. That is insane. It's nuts. I, when I was. When I was 14 and I was, I got into the drama Congratulations place that I, that I wanted to get into the drama, the drama program. Um, I remember I had a Shakespeare scene with my friend Holly, uh, where we were supposed to kiss at the end. Mm-hmm. And, uh, we never rehearsed it, you know, and it was, it was obviously, and she was, I, I remember her being like, beautiful. And I'm like a dork or whatever. And I remember we. We did it and I was, and we did the Shakespeare thing and I, and then we had to kiss and it was very, we had never done it. It was very uncomfortable. And I remember my drama teacher like calling me out and going, well, yeah, you're obviously very uncomfortable with the kiss. Let me show you. Let Dan get up here and show us how easy it is. And this older student. Who, by the way, I'm not quite sure how much I should get into all of this. Like, had to kiss the girl. The older student gets up, the older student is, is gay. Uh, but saying he's, but you know, in the closet at the time, he's 60 years old. Most older person. Most of the, most of the people in my, in my high school drama program were gay and in the closet. Because this is the eighties. Yes, mine too. And they, and they immediately, by the way, I'm not like calling 'em out. They're still in the closet. They like, A year later, after they graduated, it all came out and I would see them and they're like, oh, by the way, I'm getting, you know, like, yeah, yeah, but they're all in the closet. And so, but, and this teacher, the other part of it is, is this teacher is like, I. Uh, he's, he's, and I've talked about this on another show, but he, he was kind of like sexually harassing me as well during the, during the show. Oh, all right. And like, basically I'm looking at you differently. Congrats. Wait, is this why people are silent for so long? See, you want the cover of time? No, but he was, he would like take me over and like, kiss my neck and shit like this. And, and say, I was special and all this kinda, anyway, you're so special. Yeah. And so anyway, but I'm sorry. That is, I'm sorry that happened to you. He's, he's, that's really hideous. He's dead now and so I win. Go stop on his grave there. Go. But uh, so hit me happy so you have this, oh, keep stomping. You have this gay closeted teacher. He keeps tapping baby. I like it, daddy. Oh yeah. So you have this gay closeted teacher, like calling out me a, a, a straight student, uh, for being uncomfortable kissing. Uh, I'm 14 and kissing a, a friend and a classmate. Yeah. That's so crazy. And then calling on a student who, who is gay and I think. He was also sexually harassing him or something. I have no doubt. And saying like, Hey, go show him how it's done. And this, this, like, guy gets up there and he's just like, takes the girl in his arms and gives her a real passionate kiss, you know, like stage kiss and then like, you know, breaks away going like, yeah, it's that easy. You know? It's like, it's like that's so He was jerk jerk too. Yeah. That poor girl is like, I guess everyone's dolled to practice on. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's so gross. Just demented when I think about it. School has. Um, I mean, I, whatever it's public knowledge. There's a teacher who has been called out for such things. Mm-hmm. Like recently before my time, but yeah. But he just got called out. Oh, okay. Like, I got an email about it. Um, wait, they're, so they're emailing from to school. They're, they're emailing everyone. Well, they got me talk about, well, Lauren, you can finally talk, I guess. Um, no, they, uh, they emailed exp like, just saying that, of course they don't stand for anything like that. He hasn't worked there in x amount of years, you know. Mm-hmm. They were just speaking about it, just so there was a statement, but I had heard about it through the grapevine cuz some of my friends were to the California Raisin stuff. Yeah. They were like, there was a b from the school. Uh, some of my friends were older and they had him so, Yeah. Yeah. I mean I've talked about it on this show. We had a few, we had a bunch of those situations. Not on this show, on, on my other show. We had a bunch of those situations with like tea. Yeah. It's crazy. We had a bunch too. At my school. There were a teachers that had you get rid of all of, there were teachers that creeped me out, but you could never really, they didn't do anything. Were weird. I feel like if you and my parents never prepared me for anything like that, but I feel like you. Do you have to talk to your kids and say like, by the way, chances are good. There's gonna be a teacher who's gonna creep you out and do such and such a thing. Immediately tell someone I know. Yeah, because I knew it. When like I would be, uh, it was drilled into us when we, when we were walking to school. Anyone, any a stranger offers to give you a ride? Yeah. Say No, that happened to me. I said, no. Called the police. You know, they tried to track him down and all that, but you know, you never hear it about teachers. Like, by the way, if a teacher ever does this, I know and they can do things that are so like, They, you could just write off as being like, oh, that was weird. You know, but you don't, yeah. Yeah. When you look back, it's like, that actually is really inappropriate. Or like, that made me really uncomfortable, but I didn't know, I didn't have the language to like Yeah. You know, deal with it. Yeah, because it, because you're experiencing it for the first time and no one has told you about it. Yeah. Yeah. I was very naive back then, and of course I was raised with, Religion as well, and I think by, by parents who came from an age of adults are to be trusted. You know what what I mean? Yes. Like I don't, and they're always in the right. Yeah. And I'm sure we got some talk about beware of strangers or whatever, but I don't remember that. But I never got into any situation like that where I had to even, where even came close. For like a weird thing to happen, but I do, when I think about it now, it's like there's so many fucked up adults that you have in, that you encounter in your life when you're a child that I, but I don't, it, it wasn't like the, the idea was not even, it wasnt even an idea that a teacher could do something wrong. Right. But it was happening for sure. Yeah. I don't know. Do you spoil your kid's innocence or do you. You don't wanna scare someone too much when they're little and be like, everyone's dangerous, so don't go there. Yeah. Well, I mean, that's the opposite for, like, my parents were always telling me about dangers that were going to happen. Mm-hmm. Like on Halloween, the razor blade thing, which has been widely debunked, but man, was it a huge thing for us of like, don't, don't ever accept an unwrapped candy. Yeah. And if, and one time I got one, I, I, I think I got a caramel apple from the people across the street and they. Fucking freaked out. And they were like, who did you get this from? You know, I they cut it open. Oh, I was gonna say, did they cut it? Cuz that would be fun to be like, let's see if we got a razor. All right. We need to take a break. Okay. Uh, when we come back, we're gonna have more of this show. All right. We're back. We're back. Uh, I'm. Still me. I'm, I've switched places with Lauren. I'm Scott. Oh, is that what I sound like? Yeah. Slurps a ton. I'm s slouchy. I like farting. Do you like it? Do you like farting love letting the stuff out. It's, it's, I don't like farting. I don't dislike it. How dare you. It's better than. Than having something gurgling in your stomach. You know what though? Sometimes I do get mad at having to go to the bathroom, like just the like to void your bowels, your bladder. It's sometimes every once in a while struck by like it's de human acting. This is, this is undignified. Yeah. There's a mere act of bending over. Here's, here's the thought that I have. How do you, shit, here's the thought that I have is on my hands and knees. The thought that I always have is this is the system in someone's face. Just spray and it suits like, it's like a Windex bottle. Can you turn? Yeah, you can turn it for the turn. The head turn. You can turn the ring of my asshole. Oh my God. Okay. What were you gonna say? Well, it's like, the thought I have is this is the system I know to get rid of it. Thats, it's one of the things, I guess it's the most efficient. It's one of the things that disproves evolution to me. We didn't come up with a better way. It feels like toilets haven't evolved much. My entire life. I, I, although I can't, they're exactly the same. Yeah. I, I think the handles changed. When we were, when we were buying the toilets for our new place a few years back, uh, we went to Home Depot and the guy was trying to sell us the toilets. I was like, really? They're all the same, or whatever, right? And he said, oh no, this one's got a little bigger of a bull. So if he got a little more power, And then he looked at me like, huh, what do you think? And, and I'm like, yeah, I guess so. He is like, add a boy, like you shit a lot. Cool man. Maybe it meant your rine stream. My God, I don't, I do not believe he meant that. This is gross, but power. We're already talking about something gross, so I'll say it. Um, we've covered Powerships. My friend Ryan Stanger, uh, has a funny phrase previously mentioned in the first previously mentioned podcast. Uh, that I think is so funny that when you fart and it smells really bad, that you're blowing dust off a turd, blowing you turd, but you're. Partying, but you're like, you probably should. Shit. Yeah. That's some good stuff. I think it's funny. Whatever. Are you, uh, are you in a group with him or are you just friends with him? Uh, we were on Bangerang together at ucb, but I left the team like a year and a half. Mm-hmm. They're still playing Friday night today. Go see him. Okay. Will do. They went, they went on without you? They did. They did. What's the, uh, if you could get rid of eating, Or shitting, which would you get rid of? I mean, this is a dumb question. Shit, obviously shitting. Shitting, right? Shit. I, yeah, but the having to eat also is such a bummer in a way. Like if you could, if you could not eat and you could stay at your ideal body weight, like, would you take Soylent? Do you know what Soylent? Oh yeah. It's like that drink that, like it's every I. It's all vitamin and whatever, all the, the nutrients you need. All the nutrients you need in a day. And so they're, the diet that they recommend is like just drinking like three things of soil today. It's sort of like the, the, the Michael, the, the diet that Soylent recommends, Hey, you know what you should do, just drink our product all damn day. It's sort of like the Michael K is wearing a black suit of food. Yeah. It's like I just do, so I lent, can you imagine how I just do that every day? Um, I mean, I love the choice being taken out of, you know, not having to go, God, what am I gonna eat today? Yeah, yeah. Sometimes it's, I'm, I'm paralyzed. If I'm hungry, I'm paralyzed by that. I love, like, I don't know what to eat. I love like making a lot of something and then eating it over the next, like for like every meal that's me do at home. I love that. Eating one deviled egg per day. Yeah. For eight months. Chomp, good night. I, my, my wife does that, my wife. I wasn't gonna do it, so I'm glad you did it. She, she loves to cook and she's just cooking for the two of us, and so she'll make like a big pot of something and then we'll eat that over the course of circle days. I love that, and I always, it always to me is like she got a recipe for. The army. That's the only way she knows that chow time for 16 people get over here to the mess hall. Yeah. Is there such serving servings? One barracks? Is there such a thing as Lebanese cuisine that most Oh yeah. Absolutely. Yeah. Does she cook any of it? Yes, she does. Mm-hmm. Yeah, she does. Um, and its, uh, um, what the, yeah, what, what is typically, well, there's like, I'm gonna fuck it up. Yep. I'm just waiting for you too. There's kibby. Kibby lies. What Lies? Kibby Lies Kibby. Sweet Little Lies. Can that be my nickname? Kibby Lies. Kibby Lies. Yeah. I was actually just talking about Janie last night at a party with Felicia Fasano. About how awesome Felicia Rashad. Yeah. Scott, remember how awesome Janie is? Hold on a second. Mm. We like to have fun here, but you know that she did not say Felicia Rashad. No, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. What were you talking about? This is fun. We were just talking about how great Janie is and how my wife, you guys live near each other. Stay away from her, you and Janie. We live very close to each other. Or you guys and Felicia live close to each other, so you, they will go on walks or It's true text all day long. True. And I was like, she's just the best. She's a lovely look. I'm very blessed. You are. Mm-hmm. She's a wonderful lady. Congrats. Congratulations. Um, what can I say? I'm marry my best friend. That's so tight. My best friend is a guy named John. You didn't marry him and it was, it was illegal to marry him, so told John not anymore. Instead, I married Kob second best. That was the only reason why you didn't, you were married by him though. I, yeah. I, I was So he can say he married you. That's true. And I married him technically, no. Cause I, I married him in Nora. No, he's so cool. Oh, that's true. There we go. Mm-hmm. Mm. I think he's, he's so cool. He's so nice. This is a friend of ours. He's very tall. That's why people call him tall John. Yeah. And he likes it though. It's not like us denigrating him. How tall is he's, uh, six. Eight or nine. I think he, it's, it's like right over the limit where he can, he technically is viewed as a giant by the airlines so he can like, demand certain things. A giant Yeah. I think that I, and I think that's the actual term. Wait, the airlines are, are using these terms? Yes. So what can he demand first class and for our giant customers, I, you're welcome to board. I think it's like a certain type of seat. On the airline or something like that has to decline. It has to have, yeah. I can't, I, I can't recall exactly what it is, but yeah, I, I'm not, yeah, I'm not there yet. I would love that. Yeah. You're not there yet. No. You think you're done growing? You think you're gonna keep getting taller? I wonder if people just decide to stop growing. Oh, that's heavy. You know what I mean? Like I'm tall enough, not me. I'd like to be a little bit tall. I think they're probably tall people who would argue the opposite, that they grew way past the point way past it. I, you know, now hold up now, Lauren. I. You're tall. Mm-hmm. Are you talking about yourself? I'm not. Do you like being the height that you are? I, I'm fine with my height. I don't really think about being tall very often. Mm-hmm. But people wellpoint it out to me a lot. But I call you stretch. Yeah. The, or people ask me how tall I am a lot, but, but I don't really. Think about it in general, sorts of ton. I just think of people as either being my height or tall. Like I think of most people as being, I don't think about their height at all. Mm-hmm. But if they're taller than me, I'm aware of it. That's, I was talking about this the other day on a, on a show that we did with Neil Patrick Harris, where yes, it's being tall. Um, you, you never notice anyone's height. Yeah. Unless they're taller. You just see people and then when PE someone says like, oh, I'm short. I usually go, oh, you are? Oh yeah, I guess so. I mean, I see everyone's top of every word short to me. Yeah. I'll have to take your word for it. Yeah. Are you short? But I saw a woman, one of my classes, yay the other day, who was taller than me and I was like, weirdly like jealous of it. But I, I don't really wanna be over six feet tall cause I think that would cause a lot more. Who's this woman Problems with buying clothes and it just, Make challenging. I like for, for acting. It's terrible. It would be hard cuz it's already hard enough I think being my height. Yeah. It's terrible for me. Yeah. It's, it's, uh, I doing bang bang. It's like trying to frame people in the shot. It's like, well, trying to be someone's love interest If you're five 10, because guys, Every actor is five eight every after short. Yeah. And so it's like you have, I mean that's, it's a challenge. Yeah. I think I've, I think I've for sure lost out on things for being too tall. Yeah. Wow. You guys are the real heroes. Whatever. We would get so many parts of her short. So interesting. Still interesting. Look, we should take another break. Okay, fine. Is that okay? Yeah. Um, when we come back, we're gonna have one of our world class segments thought of by. Me Paul f Tompkin. That's right. We'll be right back with this show. This show is back. We are back. Alright. Uh, everyone's short to me. I pick up a cow and just squeeze it into my mouth for milk and, and for hamburgers as well. And you don't care what comes out? Nope. I can't taste anything. It's usually blood and bile. My taste buds are gigantic. I eat a rock. The country. Oh no. Like a rock. Oh, we're at like a rock. Jack Bauer. He 24. He Big money. All right. I have a segment. Okay. What you got, Paul? This is a segment where, here's a little story I like to tell about three bad brothers, you know, so well. You must describe. A famous scene from a famous movie. Mm. But describe it in a way that it is hard to guess what the scene is. What the movie is. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Uh, very good. Very good. Awesome. Very good. Okay. Um, okay. Wait, I'm thinking. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Okay. I'll probably do this poorly. Okay. And do, do we get points if we guess, or There's not points. It's just a thing that we're doing. It's just a thing that we're doing. Okay. Got it. Oh, how do you describe it? Oh, oh, um, okay. A bunch of males. Mm. You've got my attention. I mean, you know, synonyms, so I don't know how I'm gonna do, you know, synonyms. Um, okay. It's, I'm gonna do it like a poem. Winter's cold. Winter's cold brushes upon them. They brush struggle, or just let me do my poem. Okay. They struggle for attention. Captain America Civil War. The, yeah. Yeah, that's good. Keep guessing as I'm going. Um, long hat, long hat, fur hat, glasses. Squinty eyed teen spies like us. Looks like a fox one. Looks like a fox one is bold enough to try the task at hand. It's cold out. Wait. Told the task requires a body part to be shown. Oh, do you know it? And they, it is above the neck stuck out. To touch the ice cold pole. Oh, a Christmas story. Yeah. That's fun. Ok. You sounded insane. Long hair. I still feel like I was, you sound like describing it so clearly. You sound like you're like the psychic in minority report describing a crime that you seen. Okay. You're turn or somebody, Scott, I'll go ask. I do not have an example by the way. Um, Do I have to do it like Lauren or do I just No, I think it's up to you. All right. Um, a family is sitting around, uh, their breakfast nook, but it's not breakfast. It's actually, uh, family supper time. And, um, the mother is a single mother. She's trying to wrangle her children and just trying to make it through another family dinner. She obviously had, didn't have a lot of time to prepare it, uh, but she's done her best. Um, et Yes. Really? I didn't even get to the Reese's Pieces. Oh, that. Alright. Good, good. All right. Let's see. Uh, oh, R two D two Star Wars shit. All right. Um. Getting acquainted, getting to know you. Conversation gets personal, but also remains professional. Dinner with Andre. My dinner with well man's professional, but it's personal. Mm-hmm. Um, Hobbies are discussed. Hmm. Past adventures before sunrise? Nope. They, I guess it's not professional. It's not professional. They, they were not raised. That was strictly for fun. Um, advice is given. Mm. Professional advice, secrets are revealed. Oh, chorus line? No, no. Sort of though. Keep going. Sort of. Oh, so if it applies to sort of movie after, well, I guess I can argue it wasn't movie was thinking of, but I inadvertently described another movie. Um, fear Mm. Control. Uh, what's up Barbara Streisand movie where she goes to the psychiatrist? Not the one I'm thinking of. Dammit. But Nuts. Nuts is what, what I'm thinking of. Is that good? These are good. Let get my balls. It really works on a podcast. Um, it would've been better phrased is nuts. Good D's nuts. D's Nuts are good. Is nuts good These's? Nuts is good. Jack Bower. He's 24. Big hits. Big hits here. Wait, keep going. Um, advice is given. Tell us about the people. Uh oh. Okay. Oh, uh, basic instinct. Nope. Is it a man and a woman? Yes, it is. One person makes a request. Mm of the other, yes. Mrs. Doubtfire. No. When a man loves a woman, no, keep going. Failure to launch. Uh, famous movie. Everyone loves that, that I've seen many times. Uh, this is creepy. Someone is, someone is sized up. Honey, I shrunk the kids. Wouldn't that be size down, honey? I blew up the kids. There we go. No, let's see. Semen is thrown in someone's hair. Oh, Mary, what then? What other movie is there where semen is thrown in someone's hair? There's one other famous semen, semen in the hair movie, uh, a Louis CK documentary. Um, um, I am blank. I'm, I'm drawing a blank on semen movies. That's the only one I remember. Um, semen is thrown in the hair. Semens, someone threw semen in a hair. And is, is it like, like a dinner with re Someone threw semen in a hair. Someone threw semen in hair, like someone threw semen in. Tells, I can't believe that. Give it away. Um, so man and a woman. Oh, sperm in the whale. S sperm. The whale. The whale. The whale. She was so confident. The whale, but the kid put sperm on uh, books. Books. Oh, did, that's right. Yeah. He jerks off, and then he rubs the spunk on the books. I It's really nasty. Nasty. It is. Nasty. Nasty, nasty. Nasty. Is nasty, nasty, nasty, nasty. Welcome to nasty, this nasty podcast. Is you aware of how often I say nasty? This is a lot. I like it. Okay, wait. We need more. Jesus. How much semen? Who are the people? Just enough. What's the consistency? Older man. Younger woman. Uh, oh wait. Not Oleana or something like that? No. Okay. I don't, yeah, it's something I might know. The older man is not the one who puts the semen in the hair. He puts the semen in there. He puts, is it silence in the lamps? Yes, it's, yes. What, when does he throw I, God, I guess I haven't seen that in a while. When she goes to visit him. That probably annoyed in prison. So many people listening to one of the other, oh, I'm sure. Oh, one of the other inmates throws throw semen at their hair. Oh, I don't remember that. I don't, I saw that when I was too young to probably understand what was happening. See it again. I will, I'd love to. And then he, he talks the guy into killing himself later because it was Oh, it was rude. It was rude to do Yes. If that's all it takes. Does he rude to do, does he throw it with his penis? It was rude to do boo. No, with his hands. Okay. So he complete, throw it with his penis. Wow, you. I guess that was a fun game. I guess you're the winner, Paul, because it took us way too long. I feel like it was a bad game. I, no, I think it was good. I'm the loser because I guess, well, I guess how many movies really have single mothers in it? It's, it's, no, underrepresented doesn't live here anymore. No, I was just really good at guessing that one. Cause I was picturing on the breakfast nooks and, mm. Really all the famous cinematic breakfast nook. There aren't that many. There aren't that many. B you're right. There should be more breakfast. No, in cinema they're underrepresented. What was the story with the dad in that movie? I, do they ever even mention him being gone? Or do they, I don't know if they talk about, I think she's on the, I think the mom might be dealing with some stuff related to him, but they don't, the kids don don't. It's the kind of subtlety that Spielberg like sort of jettisoned after a while he used to do a lot of overlapping Altman Que dialogue. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then he also used to be kind of subtle about stuff like that now to, you know, Or not nowadays, but in his middle period, his hook period, he would have like, you know, a bang ring giant, you know, zoomin dolly shot on her, like going the, the dad's, the dad left or something. The dad left her husband, the dad left Jack, Jack Bauer. The person, the person that she was in relationship with, who she now only refers to as the dad. The dad. Uh, well guys, well this has been fun. Another episode of our show. That's another one in the books. Yeah, that one in the books. Uh, the, the rest of them are in the future history books. Oh, that's true. That's a great way to think it. They're gonna write books about this. Yeah. Yeah. I wonder if we're gonna be famous because of this, and I wonder if someone like Scott will never read them. Hey, you're ignorant. Laurens putting all of her possessions into her purse. She can that manner. Wait to leave. Gonna eat this. Um, guys, we'll see you next time. We had fun. I had fun. I had fun. You too. I enjoy spending time with you all. Same. I enjoy it. All right everyone. Thanks for listening. Goodbye. Bye. This has been an Earwolf Production executive, produced by Scott Ackerman, Chris Bannon and Colin Anderson. For more information and content, visit earwolf.com.