Jack Bauer He 24 Big Hit

Release date	11 April 2018
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Episode number	3
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"Jack Bauer He 24 Big Hit" is episode number 3 of Threedom. It was released on Wed, 11 Apr 2018.

Synopsis

Scott, Paul and Lauren discuss what decade they wouldn't want to live in and embarrassing childhood memories. Then the three hosts play the game Switch It and Pitch It.

Episode Transcript

adding the raw software transcription, so that multiple people can help organize the text better. Alone, this would take a really long time

Episode 03 - April 11, 2018

episode title: Jack Bauer He 24 Big Hit

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Hello. Hello. Welcome. We're here at Who's, who's just on the line? Oh, now hold on a second. Turn your radio down. Welcome to us once more. Us once more. That's a good, that's better than what We've obviously settled up. Us once more, everyone. We still don't know what the show is called. Nope. Hello, my name is Paul f Tompkins. Hi, I'm Scott Ackerman. And I'm Lauren Lapkus. And we are three friends. Mm-hmm. Just want to sit around, just have a good time sitting around, having a good time. We're not trying to hurt anybody. Nope. We're not friends. Three friends. Not trying to hurt anybody. It's a little, but we might hurt people. We might. We might inadvertently, we're not trying to, it's not our intention. If anyone was hurt by our actions, yes, we apologize. Whether you're a man, a woman, there's only two genders. We're not trying to hurt anyone. Oh boy, click. Oh, that person hung up. You called one person to do our podcast. That's how you think audiences reach you. Wait, why is this you called? You called. Um, just, uh, on a random topic. Hi everyone. We're we're three friends doing a podcast. That's, anyway, that's all you need to know. I, uh, have been listening to a podcast that I'm really enjoying. Oof. And it was recommended on Bitch Sesh. I just heard. Casey Wilson recommended and so I checked it out and it's called Where Should We Begin? And it's couples therapy sessions recorded. Each episode is the first couples therapy session for a couple with this doctor. Are they anonymous? Yeah. Oh, thank God. And it's so fascinating. You just like hear. Well, you hear the couple's main problems and then you kind of hear like the truth comes out at a certain point and like, or they have a breakthrough or a breakdown. It's like, it's really fascinating. Are you, uh, do you do a lot of therapy? I'm in so much therapy. Much therapy. Do you do? Uh, I do zero. I do, uh, journaling and self-reflection. Now. Are there voices altered in any way? No. Um, but they've said they cut out names and any like identifiable sort of things. But like if I heard, I have thought about that. If I heard someone I knew I would know, like yeah, of course I would be afraid to do it because I'd be constantly mentioning my 10 inch penis and everyone would be like, oh, okay. That's Scott. Why does everyone know so much about your penis? Well, you know, it's famous anyway. I've just been enjoying that. Can I say that sounds. I, I, I, I don't mean this as a, as a judgment so much as a feeling or a sexual harassment. That sounds hot. I'd love to hear you do that. I'd like to listen to it. It feels. It feels in the nude. The nude, the uns sexiest. Sexual, that's a good game. The uns sexiest sexual harasser in the nude. Yeah. That's rough. Wait, you just turned me down. I'm sorry. Trying to turn me down. I love to lube your boobs. Ow. Fuck up nasty motherfucker. No, it's the uns sexiest sexual harassment. It's still nasty. It, it's still nasty. I don't wanna lick your arms. Ugh. Um, it's, it feels creepy to me. Like, I feel like I would feel not, I don't mean like an invasive privacy or voyeuristic, it's not, so, yeah, it's. I don't know. It's, it's, it feels unsettling to me. Like I'd be hearing this personal stuff, so I wouldn't feel like I was, it's not so much like, oh, I'm morally wrong for listening to this, but I would feel like uncomfortable. I think at first I under, like, I felt that a little bit, but then it's like you hear, and Casey said this too, it's like you hear yourself in these conversations. Well then I'm off board. No, thank you. Why do the people do it though? Oh, I don't know. Cause I, and during to be famous, Yeah, but that's, it's weird cause on the podcast at the end, they're like, if you're interested in being on the show and having a session with the doctor, then da, da, da. But it's like, Why would you, maybe you do it to work with this specific doctor or She's really good. Okay. Maybe that's it. Um, like the way it's like why do people go on Dr. Phil to like get a breakthrough from that fest Cash outside? Yeah. To, to meet the cash me outside girl. What do you think Dr. Phil's success rate is on his show? I don't think that's a point of the show at all. What? You don't think that he's earnestly trying to help these people feel their lives? Not anymore. Not anymore. I do actually. I just heard is Dr. Oz a real doctor? Yeah, I believe he's a, he's a medical, a medical doctor. Okay, nevermind. Did somebody say he's not, that he has no license to practice this? Yeah. But like Mike said, that Mike, Mike, shut the fuck up. Just heard Mike shut the fuck up. And by that I mean, my boyfriend said he is not real. He's not real. He's not even real. That's what he said. He's like a computer simulation. You know, there's no such thing as Dr. Oz. I'm like, I really believes we're in the matrix. Ugh. Yeah. Well, that's great. Uh, that's my recommendation. A little podcast recommendation. Mm-hmm. Yeah. Uh, Paul, do you have any recommendations for any sort of media? Uh, sure. Um, oh, I have another one. Oh, good. Thank God. The confession tapes or whatever, have you seen this, the Confess confession, Netflixs or whatever? I have. I have Scott. Sorry. Come on. Board. If you don't know the title, have a Well, I'm just trying to help Paul cause didn't have anything. It's on Netflix. Yeah. It's in my queue. Yeah. Remember when we say q and now it's my list. Mm-hmm. Because America's getting dumber and dumber. Do you remember that? When, I remember this very, uh, vividly when, um, you would make a withdrawal at the bank mm-hmm. At Wells Fargo and then they changed the button to say, get cash. We're also dumb. Yeah. I have one of those. Um, those, uh, spikes that come out at a, uh, parking lot. Yeah. And um, you know, the sign says, don't back up. Severe tire damage. Mm-hmm. It used to say treads cause tire damage. Interesting. Cause those things are called treads. And then I guess people were like, I don't know what that is. So now it's back up. Now it's just like we're medieval peasants and it's like, don't back up. Severe Tired damage. Yeah. It's like witchcraft, don, don't back up. Something strange is gonna happen. I've always hated those things. They stress me out so much. I'm like, what about back up? I like, well, don't I also think, what if just going over them forwards? I know somehow. Have you ever actually. Ripped a tire up on one of those? I have once, but I don't. You have, I don't recall the circumstances, but it was what happened? Did you just like deflate entirely? I think so, yeah. But it was very early on in my driving career. Did your car go flying all over the place? Uh, like a helium balloon? Yes. Like a helium balloon. A helium balloon. A regular balloon. A toy balloon? Yes. Uh, no. I don't recall why I did it, but it did. But it did happen. My favorite toy is the balloon said fucking uh, here I bought you some toys, kids. What is it? It's a balloon. I think you make me feel so young, that song. Yeah. You uh, you made me want to bounce the moon just like a toy balloon. Toy balloon. Oh yeah, that's true. Toy balloon, yeah. Is there a toy? Was it now like in the forties or something? Was there a thing where it was like a balloon on, like a stick where you'd like kick it or something? A, a balloon that you would, would kick. It's not a stick. Why would you kick it? Is it, there's a circle, like a, you know what I mean? There's like a hoop. A hoop on a stick. Yeah. Whatever. I, I, I used to, the hoop was not on the stick. No the stick, but used the stick to propel the propel the hoop. Yeah. God, how boring sucks. That's my favorite vocal warmup You used the stick to. Um, what, what time period? Would you never want to be, would you never wanna live out? So many? Oh, wait. I also have a question like this that I thought of for this specific show. Okay. Um, but, okay, wait, I, I'll just wanted to remind myself of that. When would I not wanna live? Ugh. I think like, wait, in the 19 hundreds also, when would you not want one of us to live? Oh, no. When would you want My answer is now for you. Okay. You'll be sorry. This will send me over the edge. Um, uh, I don't wanna go first. Oh, I'm intimidating. I think anytime. Anytime. Pre air conditioning. Would that. Wow. Really? Yeah. I When, when was it invented? In the twenties or something like that. I don't care about air conditioning. Really? Yeah, really. Depending on where you live, I guess. But yeah. But my, when I grew up, we didn't have it and it was Chicago and it was hot as hell, and we just laid there, man, just. So you got used to it? Yeah. We, it was years before we got air conditioning in my house, and it was really just like, we had those, we had those foldable screens that you put in the windows. Mm-hmm. You know, that were, they were like, not accordion, but they would slide Were they protect you from the elements or were they, what was their purpose? To, to let air into the house. To let air, oh, okay. Yes. So, so there would be no or to let air out of the house. There'd be no screen. Yeah. It was a window with no screen. Screen. And then you, you put these, you could buy these at the hardware store. They would be, um, you know, like a, a square of screen. You pull it out into a rectangle Yeah. And put it in the window and then box fans and that was it. Yeah. Right. And it was, and our, it got really hot. We lived in a house where, you know, an old house in, in Philly, and, and you could. Feel the heat as you walked up the stairs. Feel, feel the heat pushing you to side. Is that what that lyric is? Maybe pushing you to, I don't know. You sang it really confidently. Thank you. Well, I, yeah, I, I, in the middle of it, I was like, should I, I don't know. I don't know if this lyrics No, you made the right decision. Okay, good. So you could feel I'm so bored right now. It, it was like she literally was like going, I was thinking, oh, it was like, it was like walking into an upside down pool where you could, you could, oh, that's the dream. It's like thick. Well, I lived there actually, I remember that too, in my house upstairs. It would get thicker air because heat rises. Yes. Yeah, that's right. And nasty. Our air conditioning was broke this summer for two days or something, and it was the worst. No, I mean, once you're used to it, it does really suck. Yes. I, I will say this. Mm-hmm. Ongoing disagreement with my mother, even though she's now dead about. The direction of the fan because she would say, you turn the fan outward. Outward, so it sucks the hot air out. Interesting. I wonder what the real thing is. But you want it on you so you feel the breeze, feel the, you feel like something's happening. The breeze pushing you to decide. Sam, could you turn my headphones off? Um, okay. Wait. And by the way, do you think she's still disagreeing with you? In hell yeah. In hell, absolutely. Well, she was an atheist. She went straight to hell. No stopping. Nope. Do not pass. Go. Rule number one. Um, I don't think I, if, are we talking about the 19 hundreds or are we talking about anytime. Any, anytime. Industry. I wouldn't wanna live anytime before. 1910 probably. What happened in 1910? Uh, what happened to you? Is it just culture or, no, you know what I think about, first of all, it's like you, I'd have to be rich in any era before the, like forties probably to feel like I was having a good time, right? Because like my American girl doll from when I was growing up, Samantha Parkington was from 1904 and she was really rich and she lived in a Victorian home and her life seemed good. But then some of my other dolls from different periods had it rough cause they had to make their own butter and shit, make their own butter. I would love it if they made like a poor doll from Samantha's time that smelled, I thought it just had permanent dirt on it. Cool up and I went to the tent. You put the poker berry into my brain. Cool up. And I went to the tenement, uh, museum in New York City and one Whoa. Wow. That's neat. One, uh, factoid that I thought was very interesting was, uh, one of the reasons, and this is in the, uh, 1920s or thirties or what have you, one of the reasons that everyone wore hats is cuz people were pouring out their bedpans out of. They're like second and third and like Matthew is on top of the boat. That's right. Yep. That's right. Just if they'd had their big hats on, they wouldn't been covered in diarrhea. That's his new album title. Um, it was definitely diarrhea first, but that's also everyone at. That is also the reason why women, uh, it was polite to have women walk on the outside like more by the curb by the street? No, they would walk on the inside. You would, the gentleman would walk on the outside. But, but that, but that was, uh, for splashes from, from like carriages and stuff like that. For all sorts of things. But I think the pouring of the, they, I, I believe pouring of the dookie, the pouring of the dookie. I believe when that was very common, they would switch because the man would be more likely to get it. I think that was so then they would just like, Hold on a second so the man would get it on the top. These are not the same time period you're saying that event like first it was like manners changed. First it was splashes and then it's like, all right, we'll deal. I'll walk on the outside. I think so I then it was piss and shit raining down like, okay, let's switch places. I think reverse it maybe, but yeah, and like why dump it out your window? How rude. Where else go downstairs? Like 10 stories. Yeah. Well, if you have your, if you have your whole impoverished immigrant family and you're all sharing one bedpan, you gotta empty it. Ugh. It's really sick. God. Can you imagine? Wait, okay, wait, Paul, you didn't answer the question yet. When would you not wanna live? Uh, caveman times. Yeah. Caveman times are rough. Having to battle animals. I think the, I think like the 18 hundreds, like late 18 hundreds before the turn of the century, because it's an age of some enlightenment, but everything is miserable. Yes. And so like, and yeah, and you have to get to the Civil War as well if you're living in the United States and Yeah. So there's still like all the social horror that's going on, but then on top of that, you have to wear like, Eight layers of clothing. Everybody stinks. There's no, there's like, yeah, maybe there's, everybody stinks. There's probably not indoor plumbing. Sometimes there's no like showers. You know what I mean? Yeah. So it's, it's the, to me that's the worst of everything. Yeah. I remember the, the, these books. Did you ever read the Great Brain Series? Yeah. When I was a kid, I don't remember much about it. Yeah. Okay. So it was, it was about a, uh, a kid who was like the smartest kid around. It was set in the early. Oof. I guess the early 19 hundreds, I believe, a go. But it, the smartest kid around. He was. He was very, very kid around. It was the only book that had its own theme saw by Paul Little Man. Little Man came over whenever you opened it. A little man, Paula Tucks, anytime he looked to the cover. So he was, he was a kid who, that's better. He would invent things, I believe. Or he would, he would hear about the, like, I remember he, he went to school in a, in a, a boarding school with Jesuit priests maybe or something. I think. I think they were Mormon wasn't, maybe They were Mormon. Yeah. Oh, Utah. He was in Utah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. So they were like Mormon priest. And so he brought basketball to the school and they, they had a basketball team at one point. Like he, he didn't invent it, but he read about it and he, he started anyway. There was. Um, the, the indoor toilet book was the one that I, I really think about because everyone, everyone to a person in the family was like, we, we can't have this in the house. The odor will be terrible. Yeah. Because, oh, everyone just assumed, like if you shit in a. In a thing and keep it in the house. The odor is gonna be awful, but then they, then they flushed it. Which is true of cats, right? Yeah, exactly. To be fair, you have cats, right? I have one. Does it just shit, wherever it wants in a box. Wherever it wants chips in a box and my dog eats it. What? Oh, if I don't clean it in time, how, what is in time like, like, For three minutes? No. Like I should clean it every day, but if I miss a day mm-hmm. My dog's gonna go in there and try to eat poop. What is it about dogs? Taste buds that they, they have more developed taste buds. So maybe poop tastes great. I don't know. It's really weird. But then my dog, uh, jumped into bed at 2:00 AM last night, like really excitedly. She was sleeping in bed, so I don't know what happened. And then she just burped in my face. Ugh. So poop. No, but she went and ate all the cat food I discovered in the morning. Oh God. But I got, I think she does it every night. I've been trying, I actually was gonna set up a camera because Do you think she burps in your face every night? She burps after every meal. I've never heard a dog burp. My dog burps. Like what? After every meal. It's so funny. I didn't know that was possible. Say either you were gonna set up a camera so you could show the dog like, look, this is you doing this. This is you, idiot. No. Cause I was gonna see if it was my cat eating all of her food at night. Cause I was like, maybe she gets really hungry at night. Yeah, maybe your cat is starving. And then, But she is starving. She's for sure because the dog's been eating it every night. Uhhuh. But I don't really know how to stop that because if I don't put it down on the floor, then she cat can't have it either. So the cat, the uh, there cat, don't cats climb better than dogs? Yeah. But I don't really want her to go on the kitchen counter and eat cuz that's gross. Yeah, that's gross. It's like having a toilet in your house. Mm-hmm. Having a cat. No. Putting the cat on the kitchen counter. Wait, can I ask you guys my question? That was about decades. Yes, please. Okay. What dec, if you could only listen to music from one decade, ooh, what decade would you pick? Would it have to be a full decade of like the, like 1970 to 1979, or could it be a decade of your choosing? Like 76 to 85? I, I was thinking 70 to 79 kind of thing. Got it. Mm-hmm. Um, and you can't listen anything before that. You can't let, so, so we, can I ask you a question? Mm-hmm. Would you have been able, up to this point to have listened to anything before that, or would you have to, knowing what you know now, you would go back to the start of your life and then choose the decade knowing what you know now? You would. And then, and then that's all you get. That's all you get. Okay. So from this point forward, yeah. So, so you would, so, uh, I guess my question I, as I'm working this out in my head, why would it matter? Well, no, because a lot of music is based on like, oh wow, this is. What the Beatles did, but like inspired by old band. Right. You know what I mean? So, so if you, if you could not listen to the sixties music anymore Right. Then some of the stuff you would listen to would be like insane because you, you wouldn't have that basis of knowledge. No. You know what you like. I'm just saying what. Era, which like if you could only get wait, said you have been able to listen to the six, it's you. Yeah. And you know everything, you know? Okay. And then now I said, so from now you can only have, okay, that's, that is my question. See? Yeah. But, but Got it. Okay. But, so if you, if in the scenario where you go back to the beginning of your life, beginning of your life, and the only music you know is from these 10 years, right? What? It wouldn't seem weird. Nothing would seem weird. I, I, I don't know, because I think you hear That would be all of music. That would just be what music was. No, no. Well, it would have to, it would have to be what, right. Whatever's released in, in those that decade. Yeah. Right. Yeah. But you would get that no matter when you are born or whatever, or. You in your mind, that's all music you get to listen to is from whatever and did do all. But it's actually, it doesn't matter when you were born because it's now all of your friends get to listen to whatever they want, and they're constantly telling, telling you about new things. You never hear about any other music. Got it. All right. I'm locked in. I'm locked in too. I'm not locked in. Well, I've had days to think about this now. I guess in my mind I was thinking this is all the music that there is. But now going from this point forward, my friends are listening to, to whatever they want. No one talks on music. All the music from history. No one ever talks. No one talks about mu and you don't read about it. Can I also ask you, you can read books about the, the music that you're interested in. Can I, can I ask you, when you're watching television, do any songs from other decades do, do they drop out? Oh my God. To where you're. Like, say there's a needle drop in the Americans tv has whatever, it would have tv, so, so you can hear, I can watch MTV. Could never hear it again. You can't watch MTV right now. I mean, they don't have, have to do's. True. You know what I mean? It's not the same as you. I, I'm locked in. I know my answer. Okay. Oh my God. Paul, are you locked in? I dunno. It was so simple in my mind. I know, I know. And and ultimately it really is. Yeah. It's like when you put on a CD or record or an mp3, it has to be recorded between recorded and and released or just recorded? No. Okay. I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say the 1900 and seventies. Okay. Go on and explain yourself. I believe that. Go on. First of all, explain yourself. My favorite period of music is 76 to maybe 83, which you basically said in your example of what you wished you could say. But, but, uh, I think if you, if you had to pick a decade, the seventies, Have such a good breadth of styles of music. You have like Americana, you have folk rock, you have, uh, funk, you have disco, you have the beginning of punk, uh, before, you know, you have new wave before it gets really bad. So I, I, I think you have like all of Stevie Wonder practically, you know, so much great stuff in, in the seventies, even though some of my favorite. Songs ever from the eighties. Um, I, I would pick the, I, I'd pick the seventies. I like that answer. I would pick the seventies. I was thinking for the same reason. Oh. Cause there's such a, there's such a wide variety of styles. You also have people. F older artists that are still alive at that time and still recording stuff. Sinatra and Dean Martin and those people, they're not, not making great records then, but they, but they, Sammy Davis Jr. I think was still making Sammy Davis Jr. Was doing okay. Like some of them were making like elevator music style. Yeah, absolutely. Absolutely. You know, like anything post 68 for Sinatra is kind of, kind of bad, but, but yeah. I, alright, well, sorry. No, no, no, no, no. My answer's bad. No, no, no, no. Um, my answer is the sixties. Oh. Oh. But that's because most of my favorite music is from then, so I'd be satisfied by only listening to that. So your favorite music is, Like, uh, summer of Love or like, like, um, Jonie Mitchell. But see, then it goes into the seventies too. That's 72 or something. No, but hold on. The birds. Yeah. I think I'm Kat Stevens Now. Is that seventies? Isn't that Joni Mitchell? Kat Stevens, Jon. Oh, Kat Stevens. No, but I was thinking of Kat Stevens. Kat Stevens is kind of early seventies, although he might be late seventies or late sixties. No, he's late sixties is a lot of these people interesting. Maybe I'm wrong, then I want seventies. Yep. And then you get, but I don't like disco and shit. You'd get all of the beetles. You don't any disco? No. I find it annoying. You'd get all of the Beatles, you'd get all of the Beach Boys. Not all of the Beach Boys. You wouldn't get Coke. Komo. Excuse me. I choked up. Joke. Wouldn't get K. More like, more like Chomo. Hey, shut up. More like Chomo. Of course. I had more like Chomo. I thought of this question and it was wrong with my, all my facts. Look, we, we should take a break. I'll go back. Oh, okay. Let's take a break. Take a break. Dig in to the breaks. I was doing Hamilton. What's, oh, uh, what's, take a break. Hamilton's working too hard and his wife is like, take a break. Take a break. We'll go to the house by the lake. Is that right? Before intermission? That'd be perfect take. They're asking the audience to take a break. That's true. Mm-hmm. Yeah. Um, give me one break. Give me one break. Uh, let's take a break. We'll be right back with this show. And we're back. Ha gang. Hey, hey. What's this love that you have here, Kevin? I love it. It says Comedy Bang Bang on the front. It's so cute. Look at us on the bed and then on the back. Oh my gosh. There we are. The All Stars. I've never seen this. I've never seen it either. Why don't I have it either? Can we all have one? We all need one. He said, yes, I want one. I want it. I want one that they gimme that piece. I want do, do you have. Times when you were a kid where you're like just embarrassed by how you acted. Like when in retrospect, oh yeah. Only 100% of the time. But like I, I guess to your parents or whatever, where you're like, man, I was being such a jerk. Oh, yes. The worst. Yes. Absolutely. Absolutely. What's one of your remember is Paul? Well, I. We were not well off when I was a kid, but my parents hid it very well. And you know, they were, they were working class people and we never, we never wanted for any necessities, but kept a clean house. Kept a clean house. Um, but I, these fans pointed directly at the outdoors. You had suits pointed directly at the outdoors. I had all the suits I ever needed, but I did in school pictures. I'm all the shit covered top ass. I'm wearing the same suit for several years. For picture day? Yeah. Oh yeah. Um, but who, like, how often would you even wear a suit when you're a kid? You know what I mean? It's like a real once a year thing. I wanted to wear a suit all the time. Oh. Did you realize A few loves? No. I've always been like, My nephew, we got him a, an outfit for my cousin's wedding that was like a bow tie, uhhuh, and he loves it so much and he got to wear it for his school pictures and he wanted to wear it the day before. So he just wore his bow tie to school the day before and he loved it. And then he dressed up for the picture. I love it. So cute. What a great, yeah, so, so like toys and things like that. I remember giving my mom a hard time because she wouldn't buy me this thing that I wanted, and so she bought me like a less expensive thing. Right. And gave that to me. And I was so, it was like, thanks a lot. It was so, it's so sad you and grateful. No, and I, but I, it's weird that I replay that moment in my head so many times. Yeah. It pops in outta nowhere. Yeah. And I feel, and I still feel bad. There are still things that I think of every time a certain thing happens. Uh, that I feel bad about how I acted for, for decades. Mm-hmm. Like, uh, yeah. Uh, I remember once at Carl's Jr. I was there late at night with a friend and it, it was, it was right before they were closing and some guy came up and said, Hey, uh, do you want some more fries? And um, and I thought he was like saying that our fries were bad. And I was like, yeah, these actually are, are kind of cold that you gave 'em to us, kind of cold. And he was just saying that he had a whole bunch of fries. Like left that they were gonna toss or whatever, and I turned it into a, like, yeah, I think, uh, a fry, you know, please, because you failed. You know? And now I cannot go to Carl's Jr without, and eat those fries without thinking of that day and going, oh, I feel bad. Yeah, I did. You go up to the counter and you say, these fries were delicious by, I don't do that. I just wanna give my compliments to chef Perfect temperature. Um, may I say hello to the chef? They're all like, now you're an asshole for a different reason. Um, uh, my mom one time pulled me outta school for a surprise thing. Mm-hmm. And it was like she said, we're going on a surprise adventure and whatever. And I was like, Really, really excited. I was in second grade. You thought it was maybe, I guess the American Girl store is only out here, was it? No. Yeah, we didn't have that yet, yet. But we had, um, I, I guess I might have thought we were, I don't know if I thought we were gonna like amusement park or Right. I don't know. I didn't, I have no idea what I thought. But then she took you to get spade? Well, she took me to a cat show, which is really funny that you said that. Wow. But I love cats, so I was like, there was a cat show and she thought it was something cool. Yeah. And I was. Pissed and I was so mean. I was like, what? I didn't wanna go here. Oh this is awful. You know? And then we went and it was like fun or whatever, but like she never let me like live it down that I was so rude cuz she was so happy about the surprise and I was so mean. But it's getting taken out of school. Yeah. Which is the best thing that could ever happen. Right? But it's also something that you guys. Talked about after that, and you probably were like, I'm sorry on, it was great. Yeah, yeah. Like in my family we would, I would just be a jerk and we would never discuss it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. On your story, Paul. Yeah. About the getting sort of like second rate. Yeah. Things I remember when I was a kid, um, we went to Buster Brown and every, I forgot about Buster Brown. Yeah. Buster Brown, shoe star. I don't know if you remember, but they had the thing that would, that you would stand on and it would x-ray your feet and you would see the bones in your feet. Whoa. That's neat. No, uh, neat. But also in probably incredibly bad, dangerous for you. Yeah. They like discontinued them. Cause like anyone just hops on as many times a day as you want. Yeah. It's insane. The radiation levels coming off of it. You get foot cancer. Yeah. Um, but, um, they have these, they have these shoes called Sharkies. Um, and or Yeah, they were, they were Jaws. Jaws and Sharkies and, um, all the, all the guys at school had Jaws, and this is 1977 when Jaws came out. Right. And they had like, what did these shoes look like? They were brown. Uh, and they had like a shark. They had, they had a cartoon shark on them. Right. Cool. And every, every kid at school had 'em. Sure. And so I went and my, my mom was like, these are more expensive than. Other shoes. I don't know that if we can afford them. I was like, I have to have them. Everyone at school has them, please. We went to Buster Brown. I got, uh, fitted for the shoes and they, um, when I was a kid I had very narrow feet and they were like, I think that you're not going to be able to fill out the jaws, but you know what, we can just put you in the sharkies, which were the women's sizes and they're the exact same shoe and no one will know. And I was like, yeah. Oh, okay, that sounds good to me. Um, yeah, like rationalizing it, like, yeah, no one will know. Okay, cool. So I bought 'em. I was very proud. I get to school the next day, within two minutes, someone goes, you're wearing lady shoes. Oh, how do they know? Because they're slightly different or something. Oh my god. And the salesman like, holy shit. And so I guess I came home and I, I. Put them in the box and I hid them under my bed. Oh yeah. And I was like, I lost my shoes. And my mom's like, they're right there. And, and she, and she made me wear them until they wore out. Oh man. Uh, under duress, I guess. Jesus. Did she know why you didn't wanna wear them? Probably. I probably said what it was. I was like, everyone made fun of me, or whatever. And she's like, I don't care. These were way more expensive than normal shoes. And you have to keep wearing them normal shoes. Oh no. And then I, of course, I don't remember anyone ever. Bringing it up ever again after that first, you know, three minutes. That was all it took. Mm-hmm. Yeah. That'll ruin anything. You're branded forever. Mm-hmm. Do you still have those shoes? I do. I bronzed them for my children. I wanna see a picture of them. Mm-hmm. Yeah. Can you look 'em up? You know, I was trying to look up something the other day, this John Denver record that my parents have that we listen to over and over and over again, and it doesn't exist. Not to sound like Adam Scott. This is terrifying. It doesn't exist. That's weird. Um, okay. But speaking of narrow feet, when I was little, I couldn't wear the shoes that I really wanted to wear, which were moccasins with, um, little jewels on them. Do you remember those shoes? No. They, they had little gems. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. They were so cool. I wanted them so bad, but I couldn't wear them and that's why I wear them all the time now. Wait, so you had your, your feet, did you have to wear like, sort of specialty shoes when you were there? Um, no. I just couldn't wear like, slip-on shoes cuz my feet. Oh, interesting. Cause they would, they would just like slip off. Oh, they were called Chas. Lemme see. Cha. Oh, they were called Chas. Okay. I can't find a picture of the shoe. Here's a poster for them. Lemme see the poster. That's funny though, cuz that's how you heard it as Jaws. And then you like you probably never saw it. No, they, you know what, I probably did know they were Chas, but in my mind, I, I probably did know it in your heart. They were jobs. You know what, actually, now that I'm thinking about it, I did know it. I just wanted to say it wrong. Why can't, why? Well, I can't see a picture of these. What is going on? I don't, no, I don't know. But the poster says that they were real. When you were in high school or just growing up, was your, since you're from here mm-hmm. Were your lockers outside ours? We were outside. Yeah. I always thought that was when I moved here, it was like, this is like tv. Yeah. Like I had never heard of that in my life. Oh really? Because every time I see lockers in tv, they're inside, inside now. But I guess that's because of a sound studio. Oh yeah. Maybe movies, maybe. Maybe in the movies. They were always outside in. Yeah. In like nineties. Um, Like single cam thing. Yeah. Um, but yeah, that was like so crazy to me. I couldn't imagine it. I never saw it even on television until I moved here and, and on a set, and we were, I think it was Mr. Show and we were filming at a high school in Simi Valley and I, that's the first time I saw lockers outside and I was like, what? Uh oh. Oh yeah. It's always warm. Who cares? Yeah. We, um, I would've this thing where, I with my desk growing up and uh, and lockers. I would just basically like throw shit in there, like whatever papers or whatever to the point where I never would even use them anymore because they would just be piled high with. Papers and that I would never look at for until the end of the year when finally I had to clean it out. Oh. I loved organizing my locker. Yeah. I, yeah, I don't know. Oh, I'm trying to think of what I had in my locker. I guess I, I like the books that I didn't, the books that you weren't, didn't need until late. Yeah. And that's the other thing is like you were assigned a locker outside, away from your class. Yeah. In some random place. And so you would have to plan out your day to like, okay, I'll, I don't want to have to run back to my locker in between. Yeah. So I would just, Take every book that I, I needed that day and carry them to every single class and never go to my locker. Well, we did that at my hated school. It was like really cool to wear your backpack really low and full, like below your booty hole, like below your booty hole. Um, like you'd wear like on the lowest strap, like the loosest. Where the straps could go uhhuh. And it would be like dangling down your back and like hitting your butt, basically. Uhhuh. And that was really cool. And we would carry all our books around, but it, it was so heavy and yes, it feels like you would Yeah, balance would be in issue. Right. It was awful. Yeah. And then they made a rule that we weren't allowed to do that when we had to go to our lockers. And so we, why would they make this rule? Like what? And cause everyone's backs were getting hurt, so they weren't allowed to do, and we had to carry our books. Like, and you, and you couldn't use a backpack at all for, you couldn't use a backpack at all anymore. No, it's. Bags are getting hurt. You had to keep, children are like, oh my bad pack. And then they were like, you can use a Rollie backpack or nothing. And then we're like, we're not using a Rollie backpack on the ground. Yeah. You just all look like airline travelers, but some people did. I gotta make this flight. I'm a pharmaceutical. Pharmaceutical rep. Yeah, pharmaceutical. I know. I knew you jump all over that, Scott. I'm sorry. I'm not perfect. You wore Sharkies. Fuck you. All right. We need to take another break. Take a break. Take a break. Um, when we come back, we we're gonna have a segment. Does, does someone have a segment? Okay. We're gonna, we're gonna come up with a segment. Uh, we'll be right back. Hi, we're back. And um, of course on this show, uh, the show you're listening to, um, which you already know the name of. So why do we have to say it? Just why would we ever say such a name? It's written on the screen. Yes. By the way, my voice is, feels kind of low and like radio DJ today. Just cuz I'm, I'm feeling a little under the weather today, so, and it's very early in the morning, so, uh, my voice sounds the same to me as it always does. My voice sounds the same too. I feel like I'm on some like, sexy level though. Like that same, I never, that I never get uhoh. You're on a level you never get to. I'm on a sexy level. I never get to, so at this part, uh, in the show we're, uh, one of us is supposed to come up with a segment. Uh, it can be anything, uh, it can be a game, it can be, uh, uh, uh, task, it can be anything we wanna do. But one of us is supposed to come up with, Uh, that, and, uh, for this episode, it was me who has come up with something in his eye. Thank you, Scott. Thank you. Um, and this is something that I am going to call, switch it and pitch it. Okay. Switch it and pitch it. All right. So, so, uh, the, the person to your right. Will. That's Lauren. Will, uh, Scott Paul. We'll name a television show. Okay. Okay. This sounds easy. And then what? You have to, I can think of five right now. Okay. But it doesn't end there. Oh, man. Now you're nervous. So, we'll, we'll start with Lauren naming a television show to you, Paul. Mm-hmm. And, uh, you will then have to. Say, uh, the opposite, every word is the opposite title. So if, if she were to say home improvement, you would say workplace destruction. Okay. Okay. You know, and then you would have to pitch that show to us, uh, the characters. Boy, boy, the, the setting. What happens every week and then you'll see if we buy it or not, happens every, when the winner gets a show. And the winner? Yes, they have to, the winner actually gets a show on cso. Okay. Um, let me think. Um, So that's Sharkies. Were they, so wait, here's my question. What? Listen to my new, because not every show says like words. So is it like, can you make it like the opposite of what the show is? Not every show says words. Well, you know what I mean? You can, in the pitch, you like, if you were to say workplace destruction, you could say, okay, Tim, tool time Taylor is so, uh, he, he finally blows up his garage and you know, like you can do, but, but when I'm saying you say the opposite title, you just like, Okay. Yeah. Yeah. Do the best you can. Family matters. Family matters. Uh, hey, so it's great to see you, Paul. Thank you. So we're very excited about the show that you have. Thanks. Decide to pitch us. Thank, thank you for the water, by the way. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Little. That's a dollar if you wanna give us that. Oh, I thought it was, I assumed it was complimentary. Why would you assume it's co You don't go to a restaurant and people. Give you water, give you free water. Free water, or chips. What's your ideas? What's your idea? Just say it's, oh, we don't have time anymore. Okay. Well, it's a, uh, it's a sitcom. Okay. Okay. And it's called Hmm. A title. Okay. Friend, anti matters friend. Anti-matter? Yes. Interesting, interesting. It is about a group of friends. Okay. Who are scientists. Oh, and they like it. They're studying almost like the Big Bang Theory. People grown up or something. Well, it's. It's a little different than that because first of all, those people are grown up. But I like that show and was almost ready to buy it, but Okay. So it's different. Well, it's different. I, I, you know, it's, it's, but it's similar in a lot of ways. Cause you know, the dynamics are, are. Are a lot of fun. You have, um, who are the characters? Who do we have? There's, there's four characters. Mm. There's, uh, Rano. Rano. Rano is the chief scientist. Mm. And wait, is that an Indian name? Is that why you're saying he's the chief scientist? Well, it's open to diverse casting. Oh, okay. Yeah. So Ram Joe. Oh, run Joe. He's in charge of the laboratory. Are you, are you trying to play the part? Are doing my Robin Williams impression, Ram. You're doing the, oh, run the applause meter. Yep. You weren't getting much. I got You're control per close to the elbow. Well, I guess because why would people applaud? Just at the name Rancho. Oh, Rano. Oh. Oh. Why isn't this on? Why, why isn't it? So Ran Joe is, he's like the sort of center of the show, and he's like a every man, you know, regular guy. Sure. But he's a scientist who's trying to, uh, use, um, uh, anti-matter to explore an alternate universe. Whoa. So, and, and his friends help him with this? Well, not as much as he would like. Oh, I bet. Uhhuh Uhhuh because his, um, best friend and, uh, right hand lady. Uh. Marice, she is, uh, you know, this, uh, Beautiful, but doesn't know it. Oh, got to be. That's perfect. She's super hot. Has no idea. Idea. Think she's ugly. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. But she, she's really annoying to be around. Yeah. She's constantly saying, I'm a hideous hag. Mm. And then that's always a huge laugh because the other characters are like, you know, cuckoo, she's crazy. Yeah. Um, she's obviously's relatable, super hot, huge tits and uhhuh. And then, so I mean, you haven't cast it yet, that's just haven't cast it yet. That has to be part of the B-roll. Yes. And they have to wear a tight white tank top to the ian. Okay. Okay. Okay. And tight white jeans. Okay. This is, they has to be on her period. That's, so that's the only, so are you gonna be at the auditions? I could be, we weren't expecting that, but it feels like Yeah, we haven't even bought it. Yeah. Sounds like you're close to buying it though. Well, I'm just asking some questions that will Yeah. But I'll be, I'll be at every audition. Okay. And then, um, then, uh, and oh, so ran Joe and, and Marris have like a will there, won't they? Okay. Great. Kind of dynamic, you know. Do they or don't they? Well, we'll see. Mm-hmm. So then, um, the other two characters midway through the first episode, or, yeah. It'll all be. You can't tell for the first 10 minutes. For the first 10 minutes, will they'll, okay. And then they just, oh, minute 11. They do, yes. Great. And then, but 20 minutes of porn. That's right. Oh, I love it. Yeah. Sold. Which brings in our other characters. Um, Carithers Carithers, who is, he's like the stuffy office jerk, you know, he's like always by the book. And then, um, which book? Which book? The Good Book The Bible. Okay. So he's very religious for the Bible. He's, he's, he's extremely devout, which I think now that the country is kind of heading more into a conservative direction with President Donald Trump, thank God. Yes. Um, that this will be a popular character because they will look great. Although there's a bunch of porn on there. At least there is a bible. Loving God-fearing man who's watching these people have sex. Mm-hmm. Right. And enjoying it. Yeah. Then. Polar opposite. Mm-hmm. Of s He's in a different pole. No, they're, I meant, um, I like they're all in the same place. Wait, they're all polish? No, they're all, they hang from poles. I, I didn't ex, I didn't expect to have to explain this phrase, but. I've never heard this before in my life. It just, it just means that someone's very, they're the complete opposite in personality from someone. Oh, okay. Interesting. I'm gonna start saying that. So the, yeah. Hey Lauren, you're the polar opposite of me. Fuck off. Very good. So I'm so close to buying this. Tie it up. Tie up Carithers stuffy, buy the book. Mm-hmm. The opposite of Carithers is our final character. Mard Mard. Mard is a real fucking slob. Ah, he's dumb. He's fat. Carithers will hate that. Carers hates him, but they're really good friends. And there is an episode where they get trapped in an elevator together. Oh, wait, wait, that's funny. In the alternate universe, like Beyonce, I, I don't wanna spoil it for you. Oh, okay. But it happens when, in like minute two of the first episode. Yes. When they get to the alternate universe. Okay. Yeah. Great. Um, I, uh, you know, I don't think it's a buy it in the room situation. No, but it's a buy it tomorrow. Tomorrow. Well, let's walk outside. Okay. Let's walk outside. So you're gonna buy this tomorrow? Yeah. Isn't it weird that Scott walks on two goat hooves? Yeah. I didn't wanna say anything. I thought those were weird shoes. I a descend in a pan. Oh, I thought it was maybe that you wanted some cool shoes and your mom got you like an off brand version. Fuck you all. Let's buy it. Thank, buy it. Congratulations. Very good. All right. Is it my turn? Uh, well then Paul, I think says, oh, Paul. Okay. Paul gives me a, yeah. All right. Let's see. Let's see. Show title that then someone has to come up with the opposite of. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. I think I've got it. Great. 60 minutes? Mm-hmm. Uh, whew. Okay. Hi guys. Uh, thank you so much for seeing me. Oh, hi. I'm sorry we're so late. Do you validate the parking or no? No. In fact, you have to give us some money for parking. Yeah, pay us and then we'll pay the valet guys. And then you also pay the valet guys. Then you get to write it off at the end of the, oh, sorry that we're late. We just, we were killing time. Just not letting be on time. Killing time. You know what's interesting about that is I'm here to pitch you a show about killing time. In a way really. So this will really tie into what you've been doing all day. Oh, this is off to a great start. Yeah. I'm excited. This is a, uh, a show that, uh, it's a reality based show. Uhhuh, we're listening. Okay. Oh, good. Good. Yeah. That ties in with, I'm gonna be speaking, so that's great. Uh, this is a show called 600 Years. Hmm. 600 years. Okay. And provocative title. Yes. Now, uh, you may be wondering, okay, what is this show gonna be about? Is it sort of a documentary about the last 600 years? No, it's a show that literally takes 600 years to watch. Wow. Hmm. So you can never finish. You can binge forever. You can finish when, at the end of 600 years. Definitely. So does this. Depend on the audience living to be over 600 years old. Yes, I believe with the singularity and with life expectancies growing longer and longer, eventually we're gonna transfer our consciousnesses into computers and we are gonna be really, really bored unless there's something to watch for that amount of time. So, um, what I'm proposing is obviously we don't have the ability to, uh, make the episode 600 years right now. Um, And we can't do it as it's airing. Uh, so I think, uh, what I'm proposing is when we need teams of, we need 600 teams making each hour at simultaneously, and when they put it together, we'll put it together and it'll last for 600 years. That's smart. I love it. Okay, so it's a reality show. Yes. About what? Well, it's a, oh, good point. It's a reality show, uh, about what happens. Uh, to people. Uh, every day takes place in an actual day. So it's set in real time. It's kinda like every day takes place in an actual day. In an actual day. So it's so not a fake day. No, no. Definitely not. It's, it's like Jack Bauer on steroids. Oh, oh, Jack, Jack. So it's like, you know how, uh, Jack Bauer, he, he, 24 big hit. Yeah, he 24. Jack Bower. He 24. He 24. Big hit Jack Bowers 24. Big hit. He 24. Big hit. You like, you like, you like, you like Jack Bower. He 24 Big hit you. You like so, so, but why not 25? Jack Bower, he 20. Why not? Why not Jack Bar 25? Wow. Why not Jack Bar 26, 25. Whoa. This six bigger hit. 600 years. Jack Bauer. He's 600 he said years. Yes. It's stars Jack Bauer, if you're asking. Okay. So it's a reality show. He's playing himself. Yes. So the real Jack Bauer will be in this. We're we're gonna, we're gonna go through the phone book and we're gonna find every person named Jack Bauer Okay. In the phone book. All right, sky, let me stop you there. Um, cuz this does sound intriguing. No. Um, so No, no, you're not, I'm not gonna let stop you. Lemme stop. Lemme stop you here? Yes. Okay. What were you gonna say? Thank you. So the first season is 600 years. Mm-hmm. What happens in the second season? That's the first episode. The first episode is 600 years. Yeah. Each, each season is how many episodes total? We're gonna do, like, we're gonna do like a Netflix, kind of like 10 or 13, you know? Okay. Real shortened season. Mm. Sort of like British television, you know, where people can really wrap their minds around. So it could be like 6,000 years. Yeah. It's probably gonna be about 6,000 years. Yeah. Okay. Alright. Mm-hmm. And Jack Bauer. Jack Bauer, uh, he'll put his brain into a, into a computer. He 24 big hit. He, honestly, that's all I need. He 24 big hit. Great, you guys. You're right. You know. And when you're right, you're right. I'm buying it. Well, let me ask this. Yeah. Oh, can we call it Jack Power? He 24. Big hit. All right, fine. Look. All right. I did it. Wow. Congrats. Under the room. Let's go downstairs under the room. Oh gosh. All right, now it's my turn to come up. Okay. Now my turn, my turn to come up with something for Lauren. Um, all right, here we go. I'm preparing ships. Okay. Okay. Hey you guys. Hi. Hi. Um, I'm so delighted to be back here. Thanks for coming early. Yeah, I'm always early. I know. 5:45 AM is a weird time to pitch something, but Yeah. Well it is a little weird. I was wondering, um, if you typically do that. Yeah. Um, You know, we like to work sort of, uh, we don't, we don't like to hit traffic when we come into the office to, I like to be home by noon. It did make it really easy to get there. Yeah. You're our third pitch today. Oh, wow. Okay. This is the last thing we're doing today. We're on our way out. Well, so sorry if we're a little antsy and looking at the clock, but No, I, I'll try to get through this quickly. So my idea is a show. Mm-hmm. And it's called potatoes. It's Good Start. Oh wait. Potatoes called potatoes. Well, it's called, it's called potatoes. Comma, whole potatoes, comms, comma, whole potatoes. Potatoes come whole potatoes. That's interesting. Is it sort of like a CHIPS situation? It is, but it's the, so this is an acronym. It's the par. What's it stand for? So it stands for people over the age that at originally. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Um, run exists people over the age that originally exist, sometimes, sometimes comma, comma, women, however mm. Women, however, only so another comma live if eternally. Mm. And then the first part again. Then the first part again. Interesting. So, so people over the age, age originally, originally exists. Women, women, women. However, however, Only live eternal. Only live eternally. Interesting. So this is about ex existence itself. Yeah. So it's really, um, this is like a nerd situation. No one ever really dies, like a Pharrell type thing. Um, yeah, if that's something you're interested in, it can definitely be, are nerds in it? Yes. Um, like Big Bang Theory, there's one Oh yeah, there's one nerd, but adults. Um, so it takes, so basically what it is, is it's, um, A bunch of cops. Mm mm And they're the original cops. So it's um, is cops an acronym as well? Yes, it is. Uh, can't only perpetrate. Strangers. Oh, that's good. Thats true. That's a good tip for cops. It is. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Sometimes you have to arrest someone, you know, you can't. And that's gonna be an uncomfortable situation. That's true. And that's part of what we're getting into. So it's really just for drama. These old, old original cops and the original cops, and like the first people who were ever police people and they're still doing it. Okay. And interesting. And they, how old are they? They're, oh, what time is it set in? It's set of day of day. It's set at noon. Every episode is at noon. I love that. Yeah, because I love that you're home watching TV by then. That's right. That's right. And they're always on their lunch break, ready to go bed. And the cops are always on lunch, so they're off duty. Oh. But then something will happen and they'll realize they'll have to step in. So, um, so, so they're primarily off duty unless they witness a crime and then they have to go, well, no one else has great job. This. Oh wow. What a great job. That sounds, yeah, that sounds great job. Um, that sounds great job. Can I ask, is Jack Bauer involved in this? Oh, he's 24. He's 24. He'd be in it. Yes. Um, you know, and so it's about a group and there's 10 of them and they all link arms and walk around town together and they go and have lunch. Wow. And of course they have donuts. They link arms walking around town in less. They witness a crime or do they then arrest the perpetrators? No, then they link arms. Arms and create a circle around the bad guy. Oh, okay. Uh, until they intimidate him into putting on his own handcuffs. So walking around town, straight line. Yeah. Linked arms. Then they complete the circle. Yes. Okay, got it. Now, do people refer to them on the show as potatoes? Whole potatoes. We never hear that word ever. Which one? Potatoes, they will say hole because it just is a word to use more often. Right. Like people will never like, Hey, fill my holes. Yeah. Or stick it in the hole. Yeah. Yeah. That makes me comfortable in this meeting. Um, yeah. Um, you know, yeah. Fill my holes. W h o l e s. Yeah. That's. That's, that's right. So whatever it takes to sell it here is fine. Um, so yeah, fill your holes. I, I hope that happens to you both. Um, um, bless you. Bless you, bless you. Um, and if we can just buy it here. And is there a season long arc? Uh, yeah, there's a season long arc. Um, the arc is basically, That one character, you'll find his name is McGuff. Mm. He um, is he a human or is he some sort of crime dog? He's or crime potato? Well, um, he's half human, half dog. Oh, which half is he a dog? Um, uh, the ear, the ear half. How big are these ears? So, no. So basically the two outsides of his body are dog. The two outsides of his body side, he's like, Neapolitan ice cream. I see. Oh, okay. So two chocolates and a vanilla, like dog section, human section, dog section, section. Oh, okay. So he's human. Yeah. Got it. Mm-hmm. Okay. Interesting. I like it. Um, but, but side by side as opposed to front, middle. So it's way back. So the nose is human. If you cut him down the center, um, it will be exactly the same as what you see on the outside. I see. So nose human. Uh, belly button. Human genitals. Human. He's got a human penis. Mm. Um, but he's been neutered. Oh, really? Okay. Because that dog, the dog, uh, sections of him would not be able to control his human penis. He basically had one child with a dog, uh, who was three parts dog. Mm. And he made out of three McGruff. The crowd fighting duck. His dad McGuff is McGruff father. Yeah. Okay. Got it. All right. Got it. Okay. All right. Mm-hmm. Okay. Okay, so, so I, I know you have to get your holes filled. Are you guys gonna buy this or No? Okay. Okay. No, I'm not interested. That's fine. Not interested at all. Is it cuz something I said or just the whole pitch? Well I, when we said that sexy thing about getting your holes filled, we kind of expected this to devolve into, I mean, it's the last pitch of the day. Oh. We kind of thought that something would happen and I'm also worried we're never gonna get the rights to McGruff. Yeah. That's a big part of it. Yeah. Okay. And it's so inherent to the pitch. Yeah. I mean it was, think you, I throw, throw it in there the last second. I, I No, it more, it's such a big part of it in mar in our mind. Its such a big part of it in our lives. How do you know you haven't discussed. I, we, we have the same brain. Yeah. We share our brain. That makes sense. They should make a show about us. Hey, we should make a show about us. I'll do it. Are you thinking what? I'm thinking that you make a show about yourself. Of course I am. We have the same brain. And that's how you play. Switch it and pitch it. Oh, that was fun. That was fun. Good segment, Scott. Thank you. Fun times. All right, well that's, uh, we're just about wrapping it up here. That's about, that's the end of, well, that was fun. That's the end of our show. Everyone, I think should get one wish to go out. Okay. Okay. What's your, uh, uh, like a wish for? It can be any, I'm not gonna tell you what your wishes. Hmm. Here's my wish. Okay. I wish that everyone listening to this will know love. Mm. Just once. Only once. And if they break up with you, if you already have no looks never again that you, you're done. I wish that everyone listening to this will know the feeling of someone putting their hands on your cheeks just once. Do they do They smush him. They slap him. Wait, so you wishing everyone gets slapped in the face? Yep. I mean that is someone putting their hands on your cheeks. I wish I were a little bit taller. I wish I were a baller. Wish you had a girl. No. Okay, great. Do I get? It's a double wish, but do I get it Both? Can I have it both? Do you get it Both. You both get it Both. Do I get it? Both. Jack power, he 24, he 20. Big. Hit big. You like. You like. All right, we'll see you exact bite. This has been an Earwolf Production Executive, produced by Scott Ackerman, Chris Bannon and Colin Anderson. For more information and content, visit earwolf.com.

Earwolf Page

https://www.earwolf.com/episode/jack-bauer-he-24-big-hit/

The gang plays Switch It & Pitch It (see page for rules).

Paul's pitch

Given title: Family Matters (given by Lauren)

Pitched title: Friend Anti-Matters

Description: A group of friends who are scientists. There are four characters:

1. "Ran Jo", the chief scientist in charge of the laboratory. Center of the show, regular guy. Tries to use anti-matter to explore an alternate universe.
2. "Mariss", Ran Jo's best friend. Beautiful but doesn't know it, thinks she's ugly. Huge tits. Not casted but they have to wear a tight, white tank top to the auditions. Has a will-they-won't-they (for first 10 minutes) with Ran Jo.
3. "Carithers", the stuffy office jerk. By the book (i.e. the Good Book, the Bible, he's religious).
4. "Maaaaaarv'd", polar opposite of Carithers (but not literally since they're on the same pole). A real slob. Dumb and fat. There's an episode where he gets stuck in an elevator with Carithers.

It's not a "buy it in the room show" so they walk outside. Scott has goat legs. They buy it.

Scott's pitch

Given title: 60 Minutes (given by Paul)

Pitched title: 600 Years

Description: A reality-based show. Takes literally 600 years to watch. Scott believes eventually we will transfer our conciousness to computers and we will be bored because there's nothing to watch.

600 teams are needed to make one hour each and when they put it together it will be 600 years long.

"Every day takes place in an actual day", "Like Jack Bauer on steroids".

Episode title comes from Scott's quote: "You know Jack Bauer, he 24, big hit".

It stars Jack Bauer but it's a reality show. They will find every person named Jack Bauer.

The first episode is 600 years. 10-13 episodes in the first season. About 6000 years in total.

Lauren decides to buy it. Paul buys it if they call it "Jack Bauer He 24 Big Hit".

Lauren's pitch

Given title: CHiPs (from Scott)

Pitched title: Potatoes, Whole Potatoes

Description: Like CHiPs it's an acronym. It stands for People Over The Age That Originally Exist Sometimes, Women However Only Live Eternally (then the first part again). Nerds are in it (like Big Bang Theory, but adults).

A bunch of cops, they're the original cops. Cops is also an acronym: Can't Only Perpetrate Strangers.

The first cops are still doing it. It's set at noon so they're always on their lunch break but something happens so that they have to step in.

"Jack Bauer be in it".

There's ten of them and they link arms and walk around town. If they encounter a criminal they surround him until he decides to put own his own handcuffs.

Potatoes is never heard ever on the show (but Whole is heard, like "Fill my 'wholes'").

There is a season-long arc. The one character, McGuff (he's half human, half dog). The ear half is a dog. "The two outsides of his body is dog", like Neapolitan ice cream. If you cut him down the center it will be exactly the same as you see on the outside. He's got a human penis but he's been neutered. He had a child with a dog who is 3/4 dog, McGruff.

They don't buy the show. Instead Scott and Paul decide to make a show about themselves because they have the same brain.

This game is also played in these episodes:

Switch It & Pitch It episodes

Ep number	Ep title
80	Ryan O'Needle
63	Chocolate Taste Cheap
39	The Threedom Challenge
18	What are You, a 3 Amigo?!
3	Jack Bauer He 24 Big Hit