This Was A Mistake

Release date	28 March 2018
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Episode number	1
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"This Was A Mistake" is episode number 1 of Threedom. It was released on Wed, 28 Mar 2018.

Synopsis

On the first episode of Threedom, hosts Scott Aukerman, Paul F. Tompkins and Lauren Lapkus discuss what inspired their new podcast. In Lauren’s segment “HAHAHA Thatsreallygoodthats,” two people improvise a boring conversation while the third laughs and makes up an excuse to leave. Then the three hosts try to decide what the show should be called.Check out the Threedom merch at www.podswag.com/threedom This episode is brought to you by Evelyn and Bobbie ( www.evelynbobbie.com code: THREEDOM).

Episode Transcript

adding the raw software transcription, so that multiple people can help organize the text better. Alone, this would take a really long time

Episode 01 - March 28, 2018

episode title: This Was A Mistake

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Hello everyone. Welcome to the show. Comedy Bang Bang sounds the same. We need a different intro. Yeah, we do. Someone Else start it then. You started because you don't start. Hey guys, Go! Hey guys, it's me, Lauren Lapkus, and welcome back to another episode. Welcome back? Fine, you do it. Hey guys. It's me, Paul f Tompkins. I hope everyone's feeling great today. I know we are. We're in the studio together, ready to begin. A great show that we all like to do because we like each other and we like you. Fine! fine? It has to be that intro every single time. Oh God. You'll never remember that. Hey, everyone, welcome to the show. Uh, it's hard without a title. It is hard without a title. It is, but welcome. We're excited you're here. Yes. Here's this show is I'm, I'm Paul f Tompkins. Hello, I'm Scott Auckerman. You may know me from comedy. Bang bang. oh..I didn't know, let me start again. Hello, I'm Paul f Tompkins. Perhaps you remember me from, there Will Be Blood. Also, I have... the Megan Kelly story, right? The Megan... he turned off his head just tilted down, pointed at the ground. Eyes are vacant. Uh, people know you from BoJack Horseman. People know you from BoJack Horseman....from... You play Mr. Peanut butter? One word? That's correct. Is MR and peanut butter one word? No. No, just peanut Mr. And peanut butter are two words. Mm-hmm. Peanut butter is all one word. Mm-hmm. So two words, not three. That's correct. Mm-hmm. That's correct? Mm-hmm. And who is this young lady? Well, Paul brought me. Ooh la la! Ok, Harvey The giant rabbit? The hurricane! No, Um, I'm Lauren Lapkus and you know me from, Uh, orange is new Black. Sure. And you know me from Comedy Bang Bang. Mm-hmm. And I don't know what else. You know me from, I guess Jurassic World. Sure, yeah. Jurassic World. You play the witch dinosaur do you play? the witch dinosaur? Yeah. The cackling witch dinosaur wearing the pointy hat. Why is that dinosaur in a broom? They all had themes. I dunno if you noticed what it was. The Christmas one. The Halloween one, four. What if you were watching Jurassic World and then just suddenly in the corner of the screen, a dinosaur went flying by on a broom? I'd be so happy. I would probably go, yeah, it kind of makes sense. And then one character says, did you guys see that? And no one acknowledges it. Everyone's like, it's weird enough. If we got dinosaurs back here, who cares if we're in the room? Who gives a shit? Uh, welcome to the show. Everyone. The, it, it's hard to do this without a title. We don't know what the title of the show is. Let's explain, first of all, why we wanted to do a show, but then we'll talk about the title and what we're gonna do about it. Yeah. We should explain ourselves. Yeah, explain yourself. Well, I will. Here's the thing. Scott, Lauren, myself. Mm-hmm. I'm not gonna lie, we have a good time together. We do. We work together.We play together. Scott doesn't wanna admit it. That's right. He's a curmudgeon. I hate you guys. See, that's what he is like, and that's why it's fun. But we, uh, I think probably this, this really started when we were on the tour. Uh, two, is that two years ago now? No, it was a year and and a half ago. Last year, year and a half ago. Yeah. And obviously there was a lot of time, uh, a lot of downtime. A lot of downtime where we were hanging out here, look, you're only on stage for one, two hours at night. Two and a half hours. That one time in New York. That was a mistake, uhoh. But, um, we really had a good time together. And for, for an experience like that where it's, it's it can, it veed on grueling, that tour where we were traveling a lot, it would be very easy.To despise the people that you're spending every day with. Yeah. I can see why some people in bands break up immediately after that first record. Absolutely. And never speak to each other anymore. I've never thought of it like that, but yeah, it makes sense. But we all really got along. We really enjoyed each other's company and we really missed each other after the tour ended. It's true. That's right. And we missed hanging out with each other. And sometimes we go, uh, to places together and we go, we went and vacation together. Summer. We went to Hawaii. Hawaii. That's true. We went to Hawaii. Mm-hmm. That's true. And we said, why not actually do a show? This actually also started when, when we were doing the tour recaps. Uh, episodes. Yes. That we did The Comedy Bang bang Recaps episode. Scott, you cracked it. That's where the, that's where it started. We did them all together and we said, you know what? Each of our shows, each of our shows are very this's. A mistake. This is a mess. Each of our shows is very difficult to do. Yes, yes. Uh, both in booking and uh, having to do comedy the entire time. Yeah. Yes. Yeah. You have to like, Be funny the whole time. Yeah. And you have to book one at least for you, at least one person for our show. Sometimes three, sometimes four, some suggest five. And even not in just the booking, I have to hope that they could, can handle it. Mm-hmm. Cause they have to improvise for an hour. And some people get very, uh, nervous. Mm-hmm. That's why you wear a t-shirt to every recording says, can you handle this? Yeah. And then if they can't, they walk right out. And what do they think your t-shirts saying? Can you handle this like your actual body? or... Honestly, most episodes of my podcast are them trying to figure out what my t-shirt's about. And yet it works every time. And people love it. I love it. people Love your show. They love it. But we said, why not do a show where we just kind of talk to each other? We have so much fun doing because also with comedy Bang Bang, we're, Lauren and I are doing characters. You're kind of doing a character whole show. I'm character and I'm having to do this kind of artificial, you know, sarcastic, you know, ironic thing. Mm-hmm. So why not you play like this dumb guy? Uh, Hey Paul, can I talk to you for one second? He's like a stupid idiot that doesn't get things. Um, and that's part of our relationship on Comedy Bang Bang, which will not be part of our relationship on this show. that's right. that's right. we actually like each other. That's, we actually like each other. Do you remember the TV show? Carolyn Marilyn? Real friends? No. Is it Carol and Marilyn? No. Oh, it should have been, and I think they'd still be on the air today if it was Carolyn, Marilyn. like 60 Minutes? and It was one person. What if we call our show Real Friends? No, Carolyn, Marilyn? He just said no. What if we call it? Paul, Scott and Lauren. No real friends. hold on...We, we we're gonna vote on title. We're gonna talk about the title. We're gonna present title, but ok fine...Scott,Paul,and Lauren, real Friends. I like it a little bit. There was a show there, there was these, these two were women, who were Carol and Marilyn. They were Carol and Marilyn, and they were called The Mommies. And I think they had a stage show or something. Oh yeah. I sort of remember The Mommies. Yes. And then they, they, the stage show I guess, was successful. Yes. And then they were given a daytime talk show. Yes. Where the gimmick was, they were actually friends. I wanna look this up because everyone, everyone, everyone in show business is not friends. Anytime you're watching a TV show, a sitcom, uh, and they're, they're like hugging and going, you know what I learned? They hate each other. They all hate each other. They cannot stand each other. Well, I think we're the only three that like each other, that actually like each other out of any show. It's true. we're recording so who knows. You have to say that your best friends with everyone that you worked with think we were like a family. Yeah, every once in a while it's true, but so rare. That reminds me, could you bring back clipped? You know what? Every day someone from Brazil wants me to bring Brett bring back clips. Well, you can do that. Right? Can you bring And of course it's up to me and I'm the person standing in the way. I want it back bad, you know? But there's only so much I can do. I want it daddy, I want it Daddy. Give it to me, daddy. Uh, but no our creators are very busy with Will and Grace reboot. Mm-hmm. I did a no one wants re Yeah, I did an episode of uh, um. Oh my God. What's the show? All my children. You know what I wish I did? Wish episode. Oh my god. I wish too. We all doing episode of just, just episode of all My Children together. My mom used to as a family. My mom taped, uh, all my children on a VHS tape every single day and then recorded over it every single day. And it, I have seen Would she watch it so much? Yes. She watched it after work every day. She wouldn't just tape over once. She hadn't seen it on Sunday, say, was what she thought that meant that there would be a whole tape full of episodes, um, just repeated over each other. But no, I watched so much all my children growing up. Did you actually watch that show? I've never watched that Stop watched. I watched General Hospital. Oh, okay. In the days of, uh, Luke and Laura in the Ice Princess and all this. Yeah, it was, it was like they tried to make it, the soap opera became sort of like an action sci at some point. Yeah. It, it was like murder, like a James Bond. Yeah. Yeah. I don't know if it, well, yeah, they did eventually do otherworldly stuff, right? Like I think there was, there were aliens and Alien thing. Yeah. Yeah. Do you think a soap opera could ever be as important as they were at that time? Because no one cares now because there's so many shows. I, I, well, I think that the fact that they're all kind of dying out is, are they? Yeah. A bunch of 'em have, have gone off the air. I like that they, I like that they still exist though. Yeah. And I hope they always do. I think that they will be more important. I think they'll be our most important form of expression. I think shows will eventually be as big as Seinfeld again, some shows. Yes. Oh wait, Aqua Teen Hunger Force, that's what I did in episode. Oh, okay. Mm-hmm. And it was an episode right after idea about this, right after the Boston bombing. And so there was a, that was not good, by the way. It was not good. And they. Promoted the episode or the, it was like coming back that new season. They promoted it by putting these sort of space invader characters. Oh, yeah. Uh, just planting them around all over. Oh yeah. I remember all over cities. Yeah. And people thought they were bombs. I remember that. Yeah. Everyone's so dumb. So this, oh, this episode was making fun of people being upset about that. And so it never aired. And years later I had somebody on Twitter. A, a guy on Twitter was like, when will you release that episode? And I said, I'll never release that. I, and so then other people started writing me like, why won't people wanna see it? I'm like, too bad. I don't, I don't know why I was put in charge of this, but I'll never let it be seen. I love the way you interact with your fans. I put them in quotes because they're so often idiots who don't understand what you're talking about. Your fans are idiots. Like why would they like your comedy? I just think like they're dumb. Oh, I don't think those are, I, I think that there's the people that are fans and then there's people that are like, I was told this account was funny. So following, or they saw a retweet and then they're like, huh, outta context. Like, come on and get it. Absolutely. I hate watching people. I hate, I hate so many people on Twitter for the how dumb they're, you're gonna find that Lauren hates a lot of things as we did on tour. Is that your takeaway? Yeah. Boy. Lauren. Lauren, make that says more love. We all had our it says love more dummy. You're looking at it upside down. I didn't even look at it dummy. Like, you think you're wearing a t-shirt? Like more love. Come on, give it to me. Give it to me. Give it to me. Give it to me. Uh, should we talk about the title? Yeah. You wanna do that now? Yeah, I wanna call. Um, we look. I hate to bring the off mic onto the on mic. Okay. Please do though. That's, that's what this show is. The off mic onto the on mic. But we, if it's anything that's the time. It's the off mic gets into the, onto the on mic. Off on mic. Slide into my on mic. Oh God. Like, um, we had talked when we were on vacation, I think. Mm-hmm. Which was the July 4th holiday. Yes. And it's now our, our accept sky day around the same time. Don't don say when, please. That's right. I remember everyone's birthday September 19th. No. Why? Do you remember everyone's birthdays not the 19th? No, it's not. Wait, no, it's October. No, it's September. It's September. Hold on, hold on, hold on. No, it's September. It's September 12th because it's my friend Mackenzie's birthday. That's right. September 12th. Ah. That's why. And that's why, too. How was September 12th, 2011 or thousand 19? Four December. It was, it was something else. Did you That year I planned a big birthday party. Right. Like it was, I was still at that age where it's like, I want everybody to come to a bar. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And you were like, I'm gonna have a pla plate with a, are you talking about I felt it falling apart, so I just ran with it. But you were, you were looking at me. You were looking at me with supreme confidence. It was like ation, like, it was like, what? You know that rotation. No, look up the word rotation. You'll know what I'm talking about. How dare you listeners know what I'm talking about. It gives me a look it up and then a dismissive wave. Yes. Go this. Um, do you remember, and this, I don't know whether, and forgive me if I'm being sexist right off the bat, but it seemed, it seemed to be a thing that primarily women, I knew, used to do, but when they were affected by nine 11 Yes. When they were so female from like, when they were graduating college to like 27 or something, their idea of a good birthday was having dinner at a restaurant with all their friends. Like they would get all of their friends. That is a, that does feel a, like a female, I don't know, birthday celebration. Feel maybe just cuz I went to so many with coop. I don't know. I've done a couple of those. But I feel like when I, around the time when I was doing that, everyone that we knew was kind of doing that, that was a very common thing. Maybe not, well, going to a, maybe not the sit down dinner, I think is a, is a guy thing that sit down there. Yeah. Yeah. We always did bar birthdays. Right, right. We always did bar birthdays. It's, it's common. But that one after, like it was the day after nine 11, did anyone come? So I, yeah, everyone came because everyone was, they wanted to cry with you. Yes. I was like, Hey, let's say this isn't about my birthday anymore and it's, let's all just see each other. It was weird. It was still very weird. Mm-hmm. And did you get any gifts? I've always been in replicas of the twin tower. Yeah, I was gonna say that for cheap. It was weird. I was gonna say you had a cake with a plane crashing into it. Come on. Lauren. Lauren. And that's, I couldn't get out when I was doing Lauren Fuck Pig. I wish I just stutter that time too. That's not what this show is about. It's not, we don't know yet. We don't know. Be about maybe every episode, all nine 11 jokes. Um, so for the title you were saying, we had a, we were had a discussion on July 4th for the show on July 4th. We had a discussion where, like, what should be in the show And we kind of pitched some ideas and how about this? This is simple because the whole idea was to keep this as simple as possible. Mm-hmm. And we're like, great kiss. Then we never keep it. Simple shit head. And we'll be the new kiss. Yep. Which one do you wanna be? The cat and one of us will have to wear double makeup. I'm the star man. There's only three of us. I'm the star man and the dean. That would look insane. Both of those things on top of each other, it would ruin it. I think probably it would ruin two great things. I love Kiss. They're so cool. I love the face. They're the coolest. Jim Simmons is so great. He's so cool. I love that he does his makeup. Do you think someone does it for him after these many years or is he like, only I know how to do the demon. The idea of putting that on over and over again is one of the most depressing thoughts I can ever, did you ever do theater where you you have to do your own makeup and you Yeah. It takes like a half hour at least. And if you're doing something even more complicated, you have to, I did kiss makeup for like one show that I did for about five weeks in a row. Oh my God. It was just Wow. Yeah. It's a lot. Yes. It's a lot. Yeah. So can you imagine being him? No, I, that's his whole life. I remember thinking, I forget what I was talking about with this, of like getting a, if you were in Kiss and you get a groupie back to your, your groupies back to your hotel room, and then you're like, Okay. I just need some time to take my makeup off. And you're like calling over the bathroom like, you're still into this, right? I'm almost done. Or you just like, go down on a girl and then her puss is all black and white. Afterward I did and red all over. And red all over. I did, uh, dress up. Yeah. What's black and white and red all over. I did dress up as uh, ace freely for Halloween once and then That's cute. It's good. I'm gonna, I'm gonna remember. It's good. I'm gonna go ahead. I dressed up as ace freely for Halloween and then started making out with a girl. At a party afterwards. And she had the, she had the reverse imprintation of it on her face. But you were just mashing your head against her. Well, she was a zombie too. I went to a Halloween party and I was a, I was like a dead prom queen. Mm-hmm. And I made out with a guy who was a clown and it was disgusting. And then like later when I thought about it, I was like, how gross must that have looked? It's so disgusting. I don't even know how we started kissing. Cause it's so gross when gross, when you think about it, like sex in general is so gross that people must really wanna have it in order to, to overcome the ion. To overcome just how awful it is. It's the worst. Ugh. And the best. Right? It's so weird that people do that. So for the title though, we wanted to keep it simple. Shithead. We wanted to keep it kish, keep it simple. Shithead kiss. S. Yes. Ks S. What if their name was kiss? They had a little pause in between the S and the S kiss is what is, is their kiss supposed to stand or something? Well, they said nights in Satan service was supposedly what it was, but the band never said that because Yeah, but they were at, at the time, there were parents that thought they were Satanic. Yeah. Yeah. It's so funny. Funny's like, it's like a Scooby-Doo cartoon. They were, but there, there are people who think Harry Potter is Satan. That's true. Me. You, I always forget that evil ego lizard. I always forget that it's Twitch craft. Well, it is witchcraft, of course. Yeah. Certainly not. You must be a total Slytherin. Actually, I am. Are you? I did, I did. I've never heard anybody say this. I am, I did. I don't care about Harry Potter much at all. But I did the Harry Potter quiz on pottermore.com, which is the official I that you don't have to care about Harry Potter at all. All. But I did the official quiz on Don't either, but Pottermore. But I did it too. Certain reason. Listen, listen. People talk about it. I was like, see what I, you go to Pottermore, just Erin Whitehead. No, actually I, we've gone over, me and Erin just have talk about Harry Potter all the time and how much she loves and how much I don't care. But I was listening to a podcast and the person was talking about how they had done this online. So I was like, let me just see what I get. And I got slither and I was really happy. I would then I would've been psyched. Yeah, you. I think I was just purple puff. N no, God, you really look down on him. I, I know enough to be insulted. Like, you know, enough that it's insulting and I know enough to be insulted. We have no information. What's the other, there's like a V one. Griffin. Tigo. Griffindor. Griff. I think I was Gryffindor Gryffindor. Which is like, that's the vanilla regular you got into the school. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Hufflepuff Slither and what's the other one? Uh, Viceroy Vice Magazine. Gryffindor, Hufflepuff. I said vertigo, but that can't be it. Vertigo. Well, you're thinking of, what is it, Raven Dunno. Raven Glo. Ravenclaw. Did you know that you don't, do you know, you don't pronounce the T clear your throat before you I, I've been talking about this. That's true. I just told Paula that Lauren has an affliction, you know about it, but, um, Voldemort doesn't, you don't pronounce the T apparently. Yeah. What do you mean? Yeah, I've seen the movies. Yeah. He's from, they talk about 'em all the time. He's from Paris. Lemme tell you something. I read the first four books and then I didn't read anymore. And then I saw the movies and I didn't really pay attention. I didn't retain anything. I didn't notice that they said it differently. And I saw on Twitter that it was different. I saw the first movie in the first book and I read the first book and then I was out. And then the movies as they went on, started to look better to me. They started to look more intriguing. Mm-hmm. But I just couldn't make myself do it. I just, I like the third movie, which, which end was that? Uh, Harry Potter. In the end. Harry Potter. In the end he just like, is that why the camera see more the end everybody? Bye-bye. Sound chaps. Then he says, rolls off. I don't broom ca I'm off to see the dinosaurs Wizard. No wizard. I'm talking about I got it. Go. Well, let's talk about this title All God. Okay. What do you want it to be? No. You were in the middle of saying something, I thought then we didn't talk about it again until yesterday. Right. Okay. Initially we thought it would be called Freedom. Yes. And then we pronounce like Freedom, but three people. Yes. And then we talked about all the different ways it could be spelled, because we were talking about the the number three and then D U M B, and then we also talked about T H R E E D O M. Right, right. And then that was pretty much it. And everyone we've then we were at Comic-Con and we said, Hey, we have, oh, we also had another title, which was, Uh, napkins. Napkins. Mankin napkins, man. Yes. That one's rough for me. Or Tom. What was the other Tom? Tomkins Man. Tomm Tom, Tom Kesman or something like that already. Not good. Well, we at, at ComicCon, we were doing a panel when we said, Hey, we're doing a show. And then we said, it's either gonna be this title or this title. And we said both. And no one liked either. Everyone was like, we don't care. People were pretty quiet throughout that whole thing. We thought, this is gonna wait till we drop this revelation on their heads, Uhhuh. And they were like, people were excited about the show. They weren't like this. They were excited. Yeah. No one liked either title. So then that's, that's maybe been something that's been standing in the way of us even recording for a while. Cause we don't have a real title. Yeah. And it seem like people weren't into it. Mm-hmm. No, it's just the title. So what we decided to do, I'm eating on the podcast, which wanted to wanna know Jesus. That's what this is, the kind of show. It's what we decided to do is we decided to record the first episode and we have, uh, our trustee assistant, Corrine over here and she is writing down things that we say. Although she's not writing a lot, I have to say she's writing more than I thought. There's a lot less, she less than I thought. She's written way more than I expected. She's got a David E. Kelly legal pad. Mm-hmm. In front of her from Amazon. Kelly. A lot of people dunno. He used to write his shows on a legal pad. He still doesn't bearly because he's comfortable Right. Writing on legal pads. That's right. Because he's a lawyer. What's more comfortable than writing longhand an entire script. I just saw a, a tweet from I guess the writer of Bill and Ted's excellent adventure. Mm-hmm. And it's was written like he found the first pages of a script and it was all written on paper like that. And I was like, do people do that? Like he wrote it on paper. I'm not trying to be funny. Well, I mean, mission accomplished. Well, Lauren, that's one thing. If you're listening to the show for the first time, maybe you're a, a, a fan of one of us, but don't know the other people, which seems insane. Where is it going with us? But Lauren, Lauren is a little bit younger than us. What year were you born in? Do you you mind saying or no? Yeah. I I don't mind. Um, I don't live about my age because I think that's lame. So did I until I crossed a certain barrier. Oh, honey, it gets worse. Yeah. I was born in 1985. So you were born in 85. So you're a little bit younger then. It's so insane to me. You're a little bit younger than Paul and I, A little bit, so yeah, a little bit younger, but I'm not saying I'm shocked someone ever used paper. I understand. No, but I'm saying, but as someone who wrote. In the years before computers. In fact, my very first script I wrote on a, a type of computer where it would only save 25 pages. You could only, and then what? You print it and then you had to print it and copy it, and then delete it all and then write another 25 pages. That's nuts. Yeah. So I was writing at the time when computers weren't around. Wow. So, you know, everything was like typewriters before that. Right. And then I, but so was that just really annoying to write on a typewriter? So you it'd just be cast to write on paper? I wrote plays. Yeah. I wrote plays on typewriter. And you were constantly making mistakes and having a wide owl. Oh, yeah. All that kinda stuff. I remember doing that for papers in school. I remember writing sketches in longhand. I, I wrote plays in longhand completely, and then I would type them later. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. That's cool. Yeah. Cool. It's, it was really cool. Oh my God. When people saw you doing it, looking at your, yeah. Did you go to a cafe and then up. Do you think Frank Underwood was named after the typewriter? Absolutely. Yeah. Right. I feel like part of the story of House of Cards is that he used to be a typewriter and that he like an anthropomorphic typewriter. Yeah. Like the brave, brave little toaster. I was thinking Beauty and the Beast. Did the brave little toaster get turned into a real person? No, but I wish he did. Oh, what if he did? I'd like to shake his hand for his bravery. Thank I watched that movie You for a service. I watched that movie a few years ago and it was the slowest thing I've ever, it's a movie I've ever seen. What? You're playing a game. I, that's a reference then only we know. Oh, great. I'm glad I was cut outta that. You No, you know it. I know it. I know it. But we can't explain it. We can't explain it. Oh, I know it now. Um, yes. Sorry. Oh, I know it now. I know it now I know it now I know it now. The Ram Little Toaster is a movie. Yeah, it was one of my favorites, uh, when I was little. But it's You said, just said it was boring. I just re-watched it. I was so slow. Oh, tell me more. Anything that I've rewatched from, like my childhood is basically so slow that I can't believe anymore. Everything you used to like is garbage. Yeah, no. Even, even up to like a week ago. Okay. Hold on. No, I love, oh, I love, like, all my old stuff, but I, when I re-watch like some of those shows, it's like no sitcom could go as slow as like AF went. Yeah. It just like, couldn't never, it's like glacial. Yeah. It's crazy shows when you think about it though, like everything is so quick now. Supposedly you like when you watch old stuff, but it's even, it's gonna get even worse toward like, how fast are sitcoms gonna be in the future. Here's what's weird though. I'm, I'm rewatching, uh, episodes of Star Trek, the Next Generation, because I did a podcast where the, you know, it's about rewatching that show and I hadn't seen it in years. And so I watched an episode from the first season and it was, it was bad. It was, it was, it was a particularly bad episode of the show. Yeah. But then I was like, I really like the show. So I started just kinda skipping around episodes that I remembered and, and watching them again, and it, it holds up pretty well. But there are certain episodes where they have these gigantic ideas and they're trying to get to them so quickly and it's like, you needed more time to talk about this right there. There's one where. Uh, Scotty from the original show, James Duhan. James Duhan beam me up of beam me up Fame. Look at my shirt up me beam. So he, he goes through some wormhole or something up. Me beam is pretty good, by the way. I noticed Kurt. No, no, up me. Beam is not bad. We're gonna have to discuss who, by the way, we're gonna No powers. The three of us are going to hear these suggestions later on in the show, and we're gonna talk about what our favorites are. Yes. Okay. And then perhaps title the show. That's right. Yes. So he ends up on the, the present day enterprise. This is like hundreds of years in the future now. Mm-hmm. And they're like, wow, this is amazing here. Look, look at this dude. Yeah, well remember from Be Me Up Fame First or Up me Beam, they'll, they'll point their T-shirts. It's an off day for us. We're allowed to wear these. So they spend like the barest amount of time being amazed that this person from not just hi their history, but like un unnoted hi. What would to them be a notable historical figure that would be like, wow, like if General Lee came. Not, maybe not for everybody. So they, they spend like a minute on that. Like, I, this is amazing to see you. Mm-hmm. And then, uh, go better. Uh, get your, you better go, go better. Go better, go better. Get no whammies. No whammies. Go better you get you no whammies. You better go get your arm taken care of you. You broke your arm in the bit of his, broke his arm journey. Broke arm. You didn't even mention that. What? To the fucking wormhole. You break your arm when you go worm hole every single time. That seems impossible. Doesn't it just suck you in gender? Genderly, genderly, genderly, genderly, genderly, genderly take you into the first Dimens. It's a real woman's thing to get sucked through a wormhole and break your arm. So he gets, he goes to sick bay and they, and he starts talking about, on my enterprise, all this shit. Is that what you said? I went to, he went to Sick Bay. Sick Bay. Oh, got it. He goes, I thought that was like a futuristic Star Trek term. What's sick bay? The sick bay is Well that any, any ship has sick bay. What do you mean? It's, it's like the doctor's office. It's like the principal's office. How many ships are your But for doctors, any ship has sick bay. That was like a fake sentence. It's true though. Any ship has sick bay. Not a bad title. Nothing. Any military? Not a bad title. How about sick bay? So anyway, they, the rest of the episode is him feeling like he's an old, useless man because he can't help on the new enterprise and everyone is rude to him. People are like, uh, yeah. Could you, do you mind, we're trying to do something here. It's nice to meet you. Please. Okay. Get the fuck out of our business. Because his science is old or, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay. And he wants to tell stories and everything. So then the, the, are they, are they in the middle of an like an emergency situation? Yes. Yes. Then he shouldn't be telling stories. No, he shouldn't be. That's the thing, is that the plot of this episode becomes how sad it is that we don't value our old people and how old people feel, oh, you know, outta the way. But it's like maybe you should have just had a generic old person on the show and not like a famous person from a couple centuries in the past. That's a lot like that Studio 60 episode where the old writers come back to the studio turns. It's actually the exact same. It turns out they're great. Right. It's the new people that stuck. Right, right. Yeah. Yeah. Um, look, tell you what, why don't we take a break. I. Because we want, don't want this to be a short, we want this to be a rail relatively short show. We don't want to do these long episodes that we, yeah. Just wanna derail one story per segment. Wait a minute. Are you, were you still No, I was done, but it took forever. Oh my God. Did you, do you feel like you needed more time to tell that story? Like the writer? No, I need more. No, I didn't need more time. I was given too much time as a result of all the detours. Got it. It was a very, it was not even a story. I'm shocked. I'm shocked. Here's my panic about this before we go to break. Yeah. My panic about moments like that is, oh no. This has no payoff. This is just an observation. Know I'm making, wait. Now this has no payoff, and now I feel like I'm political title. I have a question about that just happened. Yes. When you said, I'm shocked, were you quoting something? I was quoting you. You said it like a second earlier. I don't even remember him saying it. I just remember you saying, well, because it sounded like a story from my past. It sounded like you were quoting something from my past. And then I thought, really? Wait, wait. You know this story. Wait, wait. I mean is is it related to a story that you can tell in our next segment? Yeah. Okay. Tell you what, we're gonna take a break. When we come back, we're gonna hear this story about Lauren being shocked about something or about someone saying, I'm shocked. I'm shocked. Ok. There you go. Someone's shocked. Okay. But this is very exciting. You. This is shocking. Yes, I did. We're gonna be right back. We're gonna come back with more up me beam right after this. More of this has no payoff. We'll be right back after this. This has no payoff is good. All right everyone. Welcome back. Uh, this is Scott. I'm Paul. And I'm Lauren. And Lauren. Before the break, teased an incredible story, okay. Triggered my b imperson by me impersonating her, triggered by B Imperson triggered by bmw. Hello everyone. This episode has been triggered by bmw. So I, when I was little, when I was in like fifth grade, we would roller blade my friends and I, or my brother and I would roller blade to this candy. Sh well, it was a joke. Never your brother and your friends? Um, no. Always separate, but I probably mostly went there with my friend and we both would roller blade there and it was this deli that was really a sandwich shop, but it was, they had from a deli owner that's a rave. But they had, so it was a deli, but secretly a sandwich shop. Well, uh, where it's going is, the part that doesn't line up with it is that they had a, so are most delis, they don't sell sandwiches? Well, you know, in New York, cause they say a deli and they kind of mean like a bodega. Right, right. Oh, okay. Got it. In Evanston, Illinois, it was literally a deli and it was a sandwich shop and there was a glass, a case with candy behind, put 'em on the glass behind it. And so we would go there with our, our change that we had saved to get candy. I never had a sandwich there. And I would go and then the guy who worked there, um, for anyone who's from Evanston. It's called Als Deli. Shout out to Evanston. Al's Deli. Al is the dad and then his son, whose name I never got, but I did interact with many times in my childhood. Al Jr, I guess, uh, worked there and he was this kind of, uh, buttoned up sort of guy with like, sort of like he had on a apron over his buttoned down. Shirt. Shirt. You mind glasses, bow tie, if I'm correct. Maybe some glasses I might be making him into more of a, uh, a er, Poindexter sure. Carer. But he would have to go pick out all our candies and we'd have, like, it'd be, it was probably really annoying for him because we would stand there and be like, I want. One Sixlets and I want, you know, one. Um, so you would mix it up and he would charge by the pound, but you would say No, no, they were just little individually priced packets. Like, like ah, got it. Bulk candy. And then I, I, he'd get shock tarts, he would say, I'm shocked, but he had no expression and he never had any fun as far as I could tell. But, but that was his joke. That was his joke. And so we always would quote him. And then when you said that, I thought, wait, was he quoting something? And that was funny to him? Mm. But then no, you were just quoting me. I was just quoting you. And I probably said it like him because of him. Did you said, oh, I'm shocked. So wait, is this the, this is the only time that Al Jr did a bit was if you order the shock carts. That's the only thing that he ever said. Oh, I'm shocked. He would say it every time. I'm shocked. Shocked. I remember the first time that I ever, uh, figured out that delis would make you sandwiches. And they were good sandwiches too. Figured it out. Like in New York, honestly, I was seven, I think I was 17 years old. And, you know, oh, just like at any regular deli? Yeah. Yeah. Well, you know, I, I'd, I'd grown up and my, my mom had made my lunch and made sandwiches and they were always the same the way she made them. And my mom used to make, and when you saw other people eating sandwiches, you're like, my mom made that. Well, yeah, I figured. I, you know, but I never, they made it at home. Yeah. I figured you had to go to a restaurant or something. Yes. To buy a sandwich. Done some other way other than making it at home. And so I remember my, my friend, we went into this deli over next to the Tasty Freeze, and he was like, oh yeah, you can buy a sandwich. And it's like $2 for a footlong sandwich with like, just incredible deli meats and stuff like that. I've never, I've still never done that. Oh, I've only ever sucked on chili dogs outside of tasty fries. Where's that from? Jack? Suck it on. Chili dogs. Suck it on outside. Dog Breeze. Oh, he has suck. John Amp. Suck it on chili dogs. Suck it on chili dogs. That's how he gets off. Suck it on. Suck it on. Chili dogs. Re vaulting revolting. Welcome backstage. Do you wanna be sucking on my chili doll? Suck. We got plenty of chili dog to suck on. He just takes Polaroids of girls sucking chili dolls. Chili suck on it. Make it stalky. Welcome back to the episode. Um, Paul is getting some, some water. We don't, well, we don't know what the title is at this point. That's true. Uh, could be up me beam. That's very won't be. That's hard to say. That's too hard to say. Rat. Me beam. Me beam. How? No payoff. No payoff. It just has no payoff. Guys. We gotta save them to Yeah, we'll feel like late. I got some good ones. You have some good ones. I feel like I But what if Corrin didn't write 'em down? Did you write 'em down? I wrote them down. Down. Ooh. And physically I wrote them to Oh, you did? Where on your phone? On my phone. My telephone. Okay. That's great. This is gripping. So this is griping. No, this is gripping. I'm holding a bottle. Shocking. Um, so one thing that we were gonna do is, uh, we were just gonna talk about things that happened to us Of course. And things from our past and things from our present. Maybe things from our future. Like what are hopes some, what are our dreams? I feel like I'm gonna be in a grave. My name will be on it. Are you gonna be cremated or are you Yeah, that's a good question. I don't know. I think about it. A lot. I wanna be cremated. I wanna say just I'm the oldest. Okay. I, I just wanna say, I think about it too, but I've said it, I've said it for 20 years. I wanna be cremated. I think graveyards are weird. We have them. I usually wanna be in a casket so that everyone can come and look at me, look at your shirt more love. But I think as I've gotten older, I'm more comfortable with the idea of cremation because it's, uh, kind of pointless to keep making things that just go underground. Yeah. It, it, yeah. I used to think I wanted to be buried and then after my parents died, and I never went to visit either of their graves, and I realized, like at the grave, like as they were being buried, like. I'm never coming back here. Really? Well yeah, cuz I didn't feel where, where are they? Are they in Philadelphia? They're Philadelphia, yeah. I didn't feel a sense of connection to that spot. Well still like I know that they were gone and you could still have like a plaque or something. Yeah. If you were cremate. Cremated. Or a bench. Here's what's weird. My dad was cremated. And he was buried next to my mother. Wow. His ashes were put in a, in an urn and then a box, and then buried. We had a box, like a coffin sized box or just a box? No, no, no, just a box. Oh, okay. A, a tasteful box. But he's taking up a coffin shaped space. Well, pretty much You can't stick anybody else in there. I know. That's the weird part. Yeah. You know, like we're just gonna run outta space on this earth. Well, we definitely will actually. Every time I. Drive into New York from the airport. There's that really big cemetery, you know what I'm talking about? Yeah, yeah. Where you see the skyline right behind it and it just makes life seem so stupid. Like you just see like all of these, these tombstones and then the, it's like, Hey, dummy, this is coming for you. Like you're all going into that. I hate that stretch so much. It's bleaks weird. It's, it's real blue, but every time I see it I'm like, wow, everything's so pointless. Yeah. Well that's what this show's gonna be about. The pointlessness of life Anyway. Catch Lord on Crashy, sorry. Beat home on hbo. I like how pointless things are in my mind. I mean, I kind of, that's kind of my whole approach to life. I feel that way about, I feel that way about the ocean. Like the, the idea of the ocean making you feel small or space making you feel small. I actually find that comforting. Yeah. Really it's that I'm just like a tiny spec in this. Oh, that's interesting. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. So it sort of like a dog that, you know, it kinda takes the pressure off. The dog likes its crate, it likes to be too fun. The dog loves its crate. You should, I'm gonna send you this video and everyone can go Google it. It's called, uh, optimistic Nihilism, and it's on YouTube and it's this whole little thing that kind of like expresses that idea in a way that I really like in a way that's And how is it comforting though to know that nothing you do will ever matter because that's, it's, it's awesome. It's comforting. It's comforting to know that that's just the deal. Do you know what I mean? It's for everyone. It's the same for everyone. Yes. That's the, that we've made with the universe. That's, we all just happen to be here and it's mm-hmm. You know, we're all going through the same stuff. We're all, we're all having these feelings. Right. And it's, it's, it's very, I feel like it connects me more to the world than it makes me feel, um, like a minuscule part of it. So then what is the point of everything? Yeah. Fuck if I know dude. Is it well, is it the effect that you have on other people? Is it the, I mean, that's, yeah, don't know. I think so to some extent. I mean, I think that's why I like doing podcasts and stuff, even though it can feel like it's pointless sometimes. Mm-hmm. Because you're like, why? Why are we doing one? But the idea that you could make someone's day better is nice because there's no point to anything. So if you're gonna be sad and feel bad, maybe you could laugh a little bit and then it's better. And it's not just entertainers who do that. So it's not just entertainers whose lives are worthwhile. Well, no, I don't. I mean, why do But you, like anyone, do anyone Anyone can do that for other people. And it's not, not just when we're doing podcasts. No. Yeah. I meant like, why do I choose this specific activity? Right, right, right. Or or why is it meaningful? But of course, everyone's life is meaningful and that's also the point. Right. All lives matter. I understand. That's what I've been trying to say for years. And I'm wearing shirts that say that, so that's why I don't understand what's happening in our world right now though, because it seems like everyone's just doing horrible things for no reason. Yeah. We're all gonna die. Why do you have to take away everyone's healthcare? Why do you have to make it so women can't have abortions? I don't understand. Well, some of, some of it's money because money, everyone, everyone wants more money. No, regardless. Yep. That's dumb too. Yeah. I mean, I want it too, but I mean, well I was, it's because of the way everything is that I want it. I was thinking about Aaron spelling the other day, and forgive me if anyone who knows Aaron Spelling or their family is out there, but I was thinking about like all the money that he made, right? Mm-hmm. And supposedly he doesn't give it to, to Tori spelling, like Tori Spelling didn't get any of it. Right. Ugh. Wow. I didn't know that. So that's nasty. Or maybe she gets like a tiny, tiny sliver or whatever, but she a thousand dollars. How terrible would that be? So, man. Alright. It's time to read The Will Tori 1000. That would be worse than nothing in cash. Now get outta you throws it at her. Uh, no, but I mean, what's the point of making all that money? Like more money than he could ever spend. Right? Yeah. And I bet he loved the work and that was maybe more important. Sure. You know? But, um, But why, why make all the money if you're not just gonna give it to your loved ones? Like what, what I know. I don't understand. Like, I, I, I was thinking about that with, with Jay Leno recently. You know, we were talking about how he, he doesn't spend his, doesn't touch the Tonight, tonight money doesn't, he lives, he says this many times that he lives off of his standup comedy money. He never touches the what, what, what did what? He just puts it in the bank. Be in person. When what, when was the last time he did stand up? He, he, he does it all the time. He did it all the time. He, he would do it. So he'd make a lot of he money doing it? Yes, yes, yes, yes. Never stopped leave. Okay. I, he would the TV show during the Tonight Show? Yes. He would leave The Tonight Show on Friday afternoon, do a whole weekend of shows, come back to The Tonight Show. Didn't Damn. He worked hard. He works really hard. But, but my, that's why I dressed that way. Rolling up the sleeve. Denim. Yeah. We wear a full denim. Hard worker, Canadian tuxedo. He's a hard worker. Yes, but my, but my thing is, is he, yeah, he's made a lot of money. He's never touching that money. But is he touching it now? What is he doing with it? He's doesn't have kids. Like what? Yeah. Yeah. That seems weird. To not enjoy it or to give it, not to give it to people. I just say I didn't, I, I used to those Star Wars prequels. I was like mad at George Lucas, like a typical nerd. Like, you ruined it. You ruined it. And the day that he sold Star Wars to Disney for a billion, right? Mm-hmm. And he gave it all away to charity. So Awesome. Yeah. I was like, there you go. That's what you do. That's what you do with your money. That's if you're not gonna get it to your kid. And he has a lot of kids. Yeah. He's adopted a lot of kids. That's a lot of kids. How many kids does he have? 15. I love adoption. I don't know how many kids does he have? I dunno. They're all Star Wars characters too. It's like the cantina there. They're actors. They them be, they're just dolls. No, he has, he's like, do, he's adopted a lot of kids from other countries and stuff like that. But, but that's, I don't know. So, yeah, no, I think that's true. I feel that way. Like, I'm not rich like that, but like, I like to feel like I can, I You're almost rich like that. Look, I almost have billions of dollars. I mean, I feel like I'm in a place with my life where I can afford the things I like to do and that feels good. But I like to like give my family gifts and my dream is to be able to like pay for my family's homes and things like that would be like my, I would, that's really one of the driving forces. Know what I'll pay for your family. But I feel like it would feel so good to do that as my Christmas gift for you this year. Okay, great. If you want to, would you take that? Yeah. You're giving it away, but you never Why buy me a house? I don't own a house. This is an interesting concept. If we did, when, when I was growing up we did a thing called Pollyanna, which is some, who is that also Secret Santa. It's where me and my, cuz I come from a family of six kids and so we would, uh, the, the kids and the parents would eight in the house, eight in the house. Eight is enough, eight is enough. And we would um, were were your mom and dad gonna bone. Ever. I thank your pardon. Were they get a bone and then they saw, saw the show enough, and they're like, that really hits home. But in a way, I messed up so many words in that I would see you, you're so delighted with yourself though. No, I'm not delight. I'm, you seem very happy. I'm not delighted. I'm delighted in the sense of almost every word I said wrong. Usually I'll get one wrong per sentence. True. But almost everyone that's a real hat trick. Um, we would, you know, it's like secret Santo. You'd pick a name and then you had to buy that person a gift. Um, so what if we. I did think where we had to buy each other's family gifts. Oh, that's, I would love that. Because people, we don't dunno. That'd fun. Fun. It's just as hard as buying something for someone, you know. It's easier. Absolutely. It's easier, I would think. Yeah. You just know the general facts about them and you can be like, what's something fun they might like? Yeah. And that would be easier than being like, I know everything about them. They're gonna have this reaction. They're gonna, I honestly, the people who listen to conversations throughout the, throughout the year with people and their family and then know what to buy them in December, like they make mental notes. I love that. I can do that with, with my wife. Really? I can do it with my What? What? Have you bought your wife? Oh yeah. I have an idea. Like you want a history? Yeah. Everything. Well almost something she said and you like kept track of it in your head and then did it later. Oh, I'm blanking now. There's been a few things though where she was, and it's, lemme tell you something. The payoff is so good. Mm-hmm. Anytime someone's done deliver for me, I can't believe you. You remember that? Yes. Yeah. It's, it's the best. Yeah, it's the best. One thing I remember, the place where I proposed to her was a place where she took me to, um, her hometown for the first time. And she, we parked at this place and she said, I always thought that would be a good place for wedding reception. And I remembered it years later. That's the spot where I proposed here. Oh, wow. Did you have your wedding reception? That's so good. We did not because it was, fuck that place it fuck that place. We already did something there. Whatever. We, we actually looked into it, but a, a friend of the family offered their home Oh. For the wedding and the reception. That's a great story. Whew. That was a huge relief. That'll save. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That's cool. She still demanded $10,000. She's, she's still demanded $10,000 in In cash. Yeah. Upfront. Really upfront. Really. And then she locked the doors and pretended it was Halloween. She turned out all the lights. My wife. Yeah. Oh your wife demanded 10,000 to marry To her. To marry her. It's a reverse diary. Everyone's got the price. Reverse diary. Diary. Reverse diary is not there. We got it. Found it. Reverse diary. It's like a reverse diary. Cause we're just telling each other instead of writing down. Right. You how its Right. But podcasts are like reverse diaries in a sense. Yeah, you're right. I mean, the reverse diary. You said that like, like, like we haven't been saying it for the past five minutes. I said it like that's the title. Agree. Like Dusty. No, you guys were saying that could be the title or whatever. I said it like an announcement. Okay. I get it. What I was gonna say though is one thing. One thing, let's just go to a break. We don't want this to be too long. Let's go to a break. What time is it when it's, oh yeah, you're right. It's seven. Let's go to a break. When we come back we'll have more of whatever this show is. Reverse diary up. Me being, this has no payoff, whatever it is. And we'll talk about titles in the next one. We'll be right back after this. Hello everyone. We're back. This is Scott. I'm Paul. And I'm Lauren. I hate saying my own name. Do do you? Weird. I mean, I don't, but it feels weird. I used to hate my name growing up. I just was tripping outta my name the other day in a text row with somebody and I was like, that's really my name. Paul. Doesn't it feel weird? Do I seem like a Paul at all? It's almost like ball. It's almost like that, you know what I mean? Tall. It's weird ball. I hated my name and was always like, no one named Ackerman has ever been famous. Oh, last name I hate. Yeah, well, I hated both. I hated my first and last. And I was like, and I really couldn't stand it for a while. And then, then I started realizing, well, like Arnold Schwarzenegger is a dumb name, and he. Yeah, he's stupid. He made it. And so, so I don't know. I felt better after that. Yeah. I don't mind my name, but I don't, it's like, I'll often be like, wait, my name's Lauren. Like, it just feels weird. But I like the name Lauren, but I, I don't necessarily, what do you make people call you? Uh, Bubu, Bubu. Beat Bum. Did your beat, did your parents have a nickname for you when you were little? Um, I got a lot of nicknames that weren't related to my name. Right. But like Kitty cat or things like that? Kitty cat. Cat. My mom called me out. Oh. But I, my first name is Dorothea. My name is Dorothea, along on Allegra. Oh, that's right. That's right. So I always felt some sort of like, disconnection from all of that. Did you decide not to be called Dorothea or No, I was never called that. It's just my brother. Right. That, that was really weird about my brother too. His, he was, uh, Bert. Uh, was Bert Junior? Bert, well, he wasn't even Bert Junior, because to be a junior you have to have the exact same middle name as well. Oh, right, right. Like George W. Bush. Yes, yes, exactly. So, uh, but, but I, from what I know, he was older. Uh, no one ever called him Bert. They just called him by his middle name Greg, I guess to differentiate, but that wouldn't Right, yeah, that wouldn't be the same thing as you though. Yeah. But that is something I feel like happens where people like, pass down the name, but then don't call them the name. Right. It's an interesting word. Was yours passed down? Yeah, it, yeah, I, my great grandma is Dorothy. Um, then why the, why the Twist Greek version? I mean, I don't know. There's all, did you know her at all or no? No, no. She was dead before you were born. Yeah. Um, it's sounded harsh the way I said that. I knew my great grandpa, but that was my only great-grandparent that I knew. I knew one great grandpa. I only knew my grandmother's. I did not know my grand. They died before I was born. My grandfather's. Yeah. Did you know your grandparents? I did. Do you? Uh, they're gone. Mm-hmm. We're all dropping like flies. Okay. In the old fam. Well, on that note, here's my segment I wanted to introduce, and this is not gonna be a recurring segment. It's a one time only game. Yeah. We're gonna be doing segments on the show that we surprise each other with. So this, in order for it to not just be one long, rambling conversation. Yeah. Anyway. Lauren, what do you got? This will be very different. This second is called. It's called. It's a girl. Okay. That's the name of it. It's called. Really? Yeah. So, okay. I'm in. How would you spell that? Like you wouldn't, so you wouldn't got it. So no one ever even tried. So what the game is, is that two of us will improvise a boring, uncomfortable conversation and the third person will laugh and find an excuse to leave the conversation. Oh, it's like a game. Yeah. Okay. All right. Okay. And who, which one do you wanna be? Uh, I wanna be in the conversation. I don't, someone else has to be the person leaving. Okay. I'll be the person leaving. Okay. So Paul and I we're all talking together, but, so we're all talking together. So are Paul and I talking first and you approach or No, we're just talking together. We're talking about You just kind of wanna leave. Oh, got it. Got. But you don't know how to get out of it, so you're gonna do a polite laugh and leave. Okay. Um, but nothing really funny will happen to make that possible. Okay, great. Great. Got it. Yeah. And. Actually the traffic that I encountered was so horrible. Where were you coming from? Uh, the west side. I was going to the east side, but I mean, it was just so long, like I was Is this the same route that you take all the time or, yeah. I always follow the map, so Right. I um, oh no, that wasn't a joke. I actually do What was funny, what's funny? I just, I thought you were saying like, oh, I always follow the map, the dumb me. I should just follow my instincts. I thought you were making a joke. I'm sorry guys. I I got it ahead. I always follow the map. So sometimes the path will change depending. Yeah, the path does change. I have to, um, go over what a rude guy. Oh my God. That's so rude. Why didn't you just leave? That would've been better. I have to go over thanks and the laugh. So did I not win? You didn't win. Okay. Okay. Now do you win now we'll find out. Well all three do it, so. Okay. All um, I'll go next cause I don't feel the confident that I'm gonna win or anything, so. Oh, okay. All right. So we're all talking. So, um, I noticed you have a, a rainbow tie clip on. Oh yeah. It's, um, national coming out day. No, I'm not, but I, I have family friends that are in today's national coming out day, so be nice to just, how long has that been? Around. I don't know how old it is actually. I'm not sure, but I, yeah, yeah, it's probably a while. Prob I would, I would imagine. Yeah. Probably not that long actually. Yeah. I mean, it might be something that we're, that has been going on for a while that we're not aware of, that we've only Yeah, that's true. Become more aware of recently. Yeah. You know, since people's, you know, that's great that, I mean the, I mean, the whole reason to make something a day is to make it, you know, have more awareness. Exactly. Okay. So what's so funny, I, it's not really, no, no, I wasn't, I thought you were saying something else I missed. Oh, what'd you think I was saying? What did you think? The whole point of having a day? I gotta go. What? Okay, now we found a loophole. Okay, wait, one more round. One more. Paul's gotta do it. Okay. Okay. So, um, where are you actually, where did you go last weekend? I was actually, I was in town. I don't know if you were in town. Yeah, maybe my Instagram. I tried, I tried texting you. Oh, well, I would still get it even if I was outta town, right? I mean, yeah. Well, I That's true. Oh, no, I gotta go. I'm sorry. Wait, what? Actually, yeah, I get it. That was a good spot. Seemed like an extremely personal. Where were you guys? Hi guys. I texted you and you did our, that a talent. All that was fun. Straight ignored you. That was good. Good game. Good game. Good game. Good game. All right, let's slap hands. Good game. Good. Good game. Shake hands. Good game. Good game. All right. Uh, we're just about wrapping up. Should we do the titles? Mm-hmm. Yeah, let's do the titles. All right, Lauren. Good segment. Thank you. Corrine. Our, our assistant has been, uh, writing furiously, writing down titles. She looks to have about 2025, uh, in there. Do we want to announce what they are? How do you wanna do it? Pass, pass it around and each say one or one person, say them. Why don't we each do. Five from list. Okay. Each do five from the list. Okay. We'll pass the, the pad around. Now tell, are you going clockwise or, or counterclockwise? I'll leave that up to you, Scott. Let's go clockwise. Lauren, have you texted whomever you were texting cw? Yes, I did. Okay. It was an email and it was, that's important. Okay. I'm reading one title. You're reading five. Nevermind. Wasn't listening at all. Okay. Title number one, pause. Pause though after them so we can discuss. Okay. All right. I'm fully down guys. I'm fully down guys. I'm fully down. No, it's okay. It's cute. I don't, but I don't, I can give it a 60%. A test on Rotten Tomatoes. A test balloon. Nope. Can you handle this? Uh, too generic I think. Yeah. Paul, Scott and Lauren, real friends? No, ma'am. Uh, was that five? That was four. Oh. Um, Carolyn, Marilyn. Nope. Oh, wait, there's one more. More love. More love. No, that's sweet. Okay. You sweet. But no. All right. So far the first one. It's okay. That's ok. Uh, ba ba ba ba ba ba Freedom, which we've discussed. We end up with you just writing down titles we already have. All then in parentheses on the, no, that's on the next one. On the, oh, I see. Okay. There are two options. Oh, I see. Off mic. Brought into the on mic. Ah, off mic. Brought into the on mic. Let's, let's, what about off mic? Off mic? Not bad, because no one would ever call their. Unless their name was like Jerry off, I, Hey, my show's off Mike. Or it's like, kinda like Handmaid's Tale. I'm willing to bet that there is already a show called Off already. Thing called Off. Mike. We'll do, uh, we'll do, you're probably right A search but Not Bad Off Mike. Okay. Okay, here we go. How about this one? All nine 11 jokes. Jesus Christ. Corrine, what do you doing? That's bad. That one's bad. Look, look, look, we, you throw 'em all out there and we, and we said it. You know, we didn't it and we don't even like it. We can't act like Corrine made that up. No, no, no. That was us. All right. KS comma s. Keep it simple. Shit. Head Ks so stupid. Welcome back to k I s S. No one will ever find it. On the app. What if they looking for app? They're looking for KISS on the app. All of our subscriptions That's true. Are people who mistakenly thought it was gonna be a, a podcast. About kiss. About kiss? Yeah. Oh, I heard my hand. Oh no, you did. I saw that it was a hard hit. Ow, I heard. I felt it through the table. I smelt it. I burn it. Uh oh. Honey, it gets worse. Oh, I like that. Oh, honey, it gets worse. Oh honey, it gets worse. That's not bad. That's funny. That's not bad. That's not bad. That was, uh, about of course, uh, age when we were discussing age. How many did I do and birthdays. Uh, how many did you do? 1, 2, 3, 4. Okay. This is my fifth one. Okay, here we go. What. That's one. That's, that's one. Okay. That one's out with what? With a question mark. Okay. I'm sorry. Was my line read? Not obvious. We're gonna have to do another one of these. All right. The next episode is gonna also be us trying to figure out the name. Uh, okay. I know it. Now I'm, I feel like we. At one point there was still, you said better things. There was deliberation between who should do this, Corin or Kevin. What? I volunteered Kevin and Corin said, why should it be Kevin? Yeah. Let me add it. Let me add it. What was one? Well keep going cause maybe home. Okay. She made Kevin call out sick today. Yeah. He's not getting paid. He's home pretending to call. Yeah. I texted him all day. Pretending to call. Pretending to call, bring ring mom. I'm calling someone. He's not well up. Me beam. Of course we discussed, of course. Go better. You get you. Oh God. That's more of what we're talking about though. I like it. Ugh. Any ship has sick bay. The sick bay. The sick to-do. I hate it. I know. I still know what it means. Is it a room? Is it an area? It's a room. It's like the medical facilities on a ship. Okay. You did tell me that. I just didn't hear, didn't retain. Uh, I've done. Okay. This is five Genderly. That just gives the idea that we're gonna do, that's we're gonna talk about gender issues, which we never will. Never. I'll never, I'll never talk about it on online. Um, where did we leave off? Genderly. I know, but I couldn't find it. Um, genderly, I'm shocked. Oh, I'm shocked. Too generic. I feel this has no payoff. I mean so far, honestly, I love that one. Pretty good. Um, or just no, payoff is another option. I think this has no payoff. Sounds more like a title of, so, yeah. Yeah. Sucking on chili dogs. Sucking on chili dogs. Sucking on chili. Sucking, sucking chili dogs. How's that taste? Diane? Let's try it on for size. Hey, welcome back to Sucking on Chili Dogs. No, why did you, you do it. Suck it on tomato. We can always just play that clip of the song instead of saying Suck it on Jelly Dogs. Welcome back to Suck it on Tomato Dogs. Uh, everything's so pointless. Uh, I don't even remember that being said. That's my life motto. Oh, that's right. Okay. Reverse diary. It's interesting, but I don't think. Ha Ha ha. I have to go. Ha I have to go. Um, that's not bad either. That's not bad. Here, let me take a look. I'll, I'll see the ones that we sort do. I, I think this has no payoff. Might be the best and most accurate description of what we're doing here. Yes. Now I also have some suggestions. Do you Lauren? Um, no, I don't. Okay. Can I read mine? Hold on. Let me, let me write down the ones that uh, we thought were Okay. Put a checking mark next to them. Yeah. Putting a checking mark. Checking Mark. A checking mark. Uh, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry. Put a blue diamond like Julian Assange nexts to his name on Twitter. Uh, cause he's like, cause he's not verified. What a weenie. I know. It's sad. Okay, I got five here that we sort of responded to. Okay. Go ahead. Okay. What do you got? We have freedom. We have napkins. Man. This is a play on the three Amigos Los Trace. Friends, I, it's clever. Uhhuh REOs. Right. Work friends. Work friends. Into the No, just into the real friends. Just work Friends. I like work. That was funny. It's funny. Triple dip. Triple dip. I like triple dip. I got the triple dip. Triple drip. The magic number. Which is, which is three. Three Mac number. Uh, tri CLOs. Hmm. Try Scotts. We're not all have to, we're not only you three. Scott. Uh, threesy, threesy, sleazy. Take it. Threesy, sleazy. Three Enough. Three. Enough. And then these, I think I had a feeling they might be reflective of how this was gonna go. Yep. Okay. Will you just let me speak? Yep. You've had your turn and this one I came up with while we were recording. This is frustrating. Okay. You have, uh, what was your second one that you said? The oh, of the last one. Of, of the last three. Yeah. Uh, you've had your turn. You've had your turn. That's pretty good. That's pretty good. Okay, now, uh, let me, let me, uh, I, I'm not sure about the other ones before that. Why should we trust you? You're seeing a dry erase marketer right On paper. Fuck the fuck outta you. This guy's the town. Lunatic. It's a town. Ludicrous. Oh, I'd like every town should have a ludicrous. Yep. Chris, what you got in that man? Chris Bridges. Yeah. Every town should have Aris bridges. Um, okay, so here's what we have. I'm fully down guys. Sounds too generic, I feel like, of like, Hey, I'm fully doubt guys. Yeah. Off mic, eh? Okay. I, I like it, but it's probably already done. This has no payoff. I love that. Love that. Strong. Suck it on chili. No veto. Alright. Hahaha. I have to go. Not bad. It's tough. That's tough. It's not bad. It's not bad. You've had your turn. Uh, no. Cuz that almost sounds uh, meme now. Antagonistic. Yeah. When we're really about fun. Yes. Um, I think, uh, so the off mic exists as a podcast. We've just found out. Okay. So cross that off. Crossed that out. Okay. So we have, we didn't know that, but was raised by TV until it was too late, so. Mm-hmm. Oh no, really? Everyone's telling me on Twitter, but guess what? It's all too late. It's all happening. What are you gonna do? We're keeping it. Did you? And they, it was cleared with those people. Oh, really? Mm-hmm. So they're not doing it any longer or they're They're doing it, but they're just, they're aware of us. And they don't care. They don't care, I guess bunch. I don't know what they said, but it was cleared up, so everyone stopped telling me that. Okay. Do you know there's another raised by tv? Okay. You know what had your turn we're between these two. This has no payoff. Okay. And ha ha ha, I have to go. I still think this has no payoff is it's very clear. I like that one. Here's my reservation about it. Mm-hmm. Is I feel like it's self-deprecating. Yeah. It's too, it's That's true. Yeah. Cause it does have a payoff. It's fun. It's fun. What about also what podcast has a payoff? What about the ultimate payoff? Oh, I like that. Yeah. The ultimate payload. I would rather make a gigantic promise. Yeah. Than tell people this isn't worth listening to. Yeah. The ultimate payoff. The ultimate pay. That's good. I like that ultimate payoff. Okay. I like that. It's very confident. The ultimate payoff. All right. So it might be that, um, and, but y'all know personal thing, know cause you're listening to it. Yes. Uh, what would be really funny if it, it's none of those I know. Which is also possible and people are like, no, dummy this. Um, but we don't know that yet. Um, guys, I think we gotta wrap it up for this episode. Um, we're gonna try to do this every week. Uh, and we're gonna try to, who knows? That would be the hard part. That would be, well, we're gonna, we can do it. We're gonna try to bank a lot of 'em. Yes. So, so we may not be topical, but maybe we'll be talking about what, you know, that's what we wanna do, is we wanna talk about just whatever comes to us. Great. You know, whatever is affecting our lives. And you'll love it. That's right. As of this recording, you'll love it. Donald Trump has just been sworn in as the president, and I'm feeling good about it. Let's give him a chance. Love the guy. Great TV guy. Great TV guy. Great TV guy. Um, all right, any parting words parting in such sweet sorrow? Of course, as the Immortal bar once said, God, um, anything from either of you guys do, we should have a signoff, huh? Yeah. How about the signoff? Yeah. We should have a signoff. And we go Three. Dumb. Signing off. Signing off. Signing what? Signing on. Signing off. Signing on. Signing off. Signing on. Signing. Signing off. Signing on. Signing off. Okay. This is signing off. Signing off. We'll see you next time. Thanks. Bye. Ear. This has been an Earwolf Production executive, produced by Scott Ackerman, Chris Bannon, and Colin Anderson. For more information and content, visit earwolf.com.

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