Belly Washer/transcript

I am experimenting with different transcription services. Here's the result of running Google Cloud's Speech-to-Text on this episode. Unfortunately I am unable to enable line-by-line timestamps so will keep looking for alternatives.

Transcript

"What have you said that loud? We were trying to figure out what is it with your career said, you had to hit the witch made you You couldn't do anything about it. You couldn't tell people that you were cursed by. Will you run into any witches in all of your travels? You haven't

I'm broomsticks of coffee. First you or is that liked is that like a chore for them? Is I like working in your life and they love crazy. People have a mystery to a point of order. We should mention we are not in the backyard Zooma. Zoom zoom zoom due to weather concerns.
And also one thing we should mention about last week's episode does that was done in the backyard? Is that if you know what I mean, many of you have asked us why there was music played during the last 20 minutes, because my neighbor, it was a weekend in my neighbor was out by the pool and just start blasting music. And I am Scotts neighbor, full disclosure. I went from Scott's yard to my yard, turn my music back to where you can't hear Paul, and that's what he was doing then.
You're probably got no one cared like no, it usually no one cares but the other than the other thing I wanted to say is that when we sent the episode to our producer, Josh who's now on the zoom with us. He's usually not in the backyard with us and told us. He told us, no one would hear it. And it wouldn't be a problem, was, like, I'm really distracted because I'm literally singing along to see a while they fix game and himself, get off into the night.
So I apologize for that, but I hope you enjoyed the music. We didn't clear the license for it, although I'm sure that we have what they have in sports, where they have a license where if something was put over the news, if you hear music in the background of something, could go and stand behind a news reporter and blast my recording of a song and then they would be like it's in actually think that is that is happens with Saturday Night Live as they have that that particular license where they can play songs that much, like the news, does the musical guest, is someone, they just, they just wandered in. This is a common practice at the news, does on, or like this a football game, yet. They know. They have, they have a special license.
You know how it's during for tomorrow, I'm going to just play a little bit of Celebration by Kool and the Gang. Your favorite part is all it takes is cheerleaders, cheerleaders, come out. That's when my dick gets hard Dallas Cowboy Cheerleaders come out Paul.
Remember to Remember, When remember, when the Dallas Cowboy Cheerleaders were a big thing, they would be on The Love Boat and they were treated like a single celebrity guests, it on a bunch of cheerleaders leaders would hope for was all excited where I guess I guess America just all decided they were the hottest cheerleaders or something and they of the day had a good PR person or something like that, but they, they they were the most famous cheerleaders in the world. At the time they were the only ones with matching outfits of the other cheerleaders. They just brought her clothes from home. They were like, Grateful Dead t-shirt. I feel like cheerleaders Aggie. Do you find out that they get paid like 30 bucks a game or something rude? And it's just like what are we doing that? Every we all become partners.
Call Abdul the rest. She was for the LA Rams. I thought she was a girl that's pretty crazy.
What was Paula? Abdul. What time will? The only time it's like just a cheerleader and everyone was like real cheerleaders and then she was like I actually have a lot more skills and I'll be really famous and then they all didn't believe it. And then I can also barely
Wife. Well, National math dancers, and she who are the, who are the cheerleaders? Who would become famous? I think Tony Bellamy Basile Paula Abdul. And is that a woman? Who sings? Hey, Mickey you're so fine. Yeah, she was a choreographer and that's why her video is just a cheer video choreographer who did like Talking Heads videos and stuff like that. And then she started off much, like she was, the Proto Paula Abdul, she was Paula before, Paula was a thing.
I think dr. Joe Biden, you guys like her Valentine's Day. Decorations know. Where were they? They were sweet. Thought they were. I thought they were photoshopped. When I first saw it. I didn't understand what I was looking at. She put big hearts on the like a various sizes in pinks and reds on the large small. Yeah. And they said like they said like the keys. Hope I don't just put a giant heart. Over the White House. Yeah, you're right.
it it, it was so
It was like a place of, it's a workplace. Why would you have a place of worship? I feel like it was corny. Yeah. I mean I feel like yeah, it's okay for old people to be corny. You know what I mean? But when I saw the picture, it looked back to mention to them so they were they were just very little cartoon. So what I like I should have been had, we should have had some some sort of depth to the the paint on them or something but they looked like they were just clipart or something but I thought this is really sweet and we need this. I mean I guess I get I totally get that feeling of like a little corniness is welcome because right? It's you know, I don't know.
But it also seems like such a putting a Band-Aid. On a gunshot scene at the bakery on her Instagram, getting sweets for her and Joe for the Valentine's Day celebration. Anyone celebrating Valentine's Day with, like a celebration.
You know? I mean, it's like you're not and you're not in fifth grade anymore.
We don't usually go out to dinner.
What's your butt? That's that's like a, a thing that you do with your loved one. It's not a thing where you decorate, your house that you do and everyone we're celebrating Valentine's Day together. I like 4. So I didn't decorate for Valentines day, but it's not beneath me. I would happily do it, but I actually have Christmas trees is pink and I thought while I could put it in the front window and put Hearts all over it and make it available, Heights, tree do that but maybe I will next year.
Will next year February 15th. So happy. It's a Christmas tree. Anyway, no rules.
Talk to you. You don't give a cool up little bit heart sings. Oh yeah, maybe I don't know, flowers are coming. We're taking this right before Valentine's Day but it'll come out right after if that's what that is though, you're getting her flowers you would go to dinner and then it's not like like if you were to go to work, I think this is a workplace. If you are going to go to work and your boss had decorated everything with like pink hearts everywhere and hearts, and they were hanging from the ceiling from strings and stuff like that. You start to be like, okay, I'm trying to work here, right? Like I'm not in love with any of you people at work.
I would love with all of you but I'm a dork. I don't know. I think it's like cute. Well, White House is not just a place of business. They do live there and they put these out on the lawn for the public. Yeah, but celebrated in the reservation, through a mobile movie, what is The Butler movie? What's falling, Olympus Has Fallen or whatever, they're up to. Now, suddenly, the Secret Service can't get to the present because of all the decorations. I could not believe how many of those movies they had made at least three,
But it happened to the White House happened to 10 Downing Street, right? Or was it the whole? Yeah, a palace and then a happen on a boat.
The Royal boat in the president of the premier's boats of Canada. Do you know what we're talking about Lauren? You you look like you mentally are checking out the others. Gerard Butler movies nevermind, yes I do.
Is he in Frisco? I do know who he is. But is he in?
That movie with hold on. Cuz I'm mixing up a bunch of people. Okay. It's called all that part. I don't know but there is
it's a movie where PSI love you.
And it's Hilary Swank, and her husband died. I love you. I love you. Hilary Swank's husband dies, and then she gets all evening and she has to meet Marie, Callender's Marie Callender. Eyecare my list of my restaurants.
Started at Whittier calendars.
Whittier Marie. Callender's work there for a year.
Amazon to folks Po Folks phone, no evil times adjacent to the Hollywood Wax Museum. Times is so dependent on, you not being able to see the food. What is a pirate restaurant with us? That's over by medieval times and Neil Campbell in my Cassidy and there's a secondhand story from your friend, Nicole, Parker.
Oh wow, she was on your shoes on MADtv and they organized and Outing Cass organized. An outing to go to this Pirate restaurant and they were all going to get in like a van together, you know, they rented some, you know, whatever. We bought a van down by the river.
We Bought a Zoo.
And the last person to arrive at the van to go to the restaurant, was Ike Barinholtz, who showed up in a, in a full Airline pirate, Pilot's uniform character, like, dragging a little suitcase, like, I was being chased.
Stoli so that he could get to the door of the bus that everybody was waiting for him and say hi Rich. That was a reaction of everyone in the bus. Did he make? Did he make the costume Department? Do that for him? Or did he rent? I know it sounds. I think he rented it on. It's okay. So, that's okay. It's so giving the costume Department more work to do. That's probably not the right move especially if they're not invited to this Pirate restaurant.
Hey, since you're Billy's Cafe, where your minds to build a only do it with three walls, just be inside of a cow's. Po Folks are a Marie Callender's Whittier. If you don't end up in another Marie, Callender home, I'm going to be mad.
PoFolks, the back of Po Folks was a giant sort of catering place called California catering. So I work for both of those simultaneously. That one went to propose folks, the back of pants was California catering. So did they have to separate storefronts? Like, if you were on the back of Po Folks, would it be like you're walking never done restaurant PoFolks, coz I graduated, if you've never been to a Southern themed restaurants that lean heavily into the southern part of it, to where we had to approach every table and ask them if they wanted a belly washer. Instead of a drink,
I've never heard that in my fucking last year from Philadelphia Philadelphia Philadelphia come to my office and yet I still don't know what's going on but the washers belly washer that you had to say howdy from Deadwood or some shit, howdy belly, belly washer and if you did it and we would constantly be sort of like scanning the room to see if the manager was around and if they weren't do you say
But they also had a train. I think I was reprimanded for nothing belly washer one point. They all say thank you for saying it. Now, this time it was but it was giant because it was one of those tourist tourist places, next to the wax museum and all that, where they were just expecting a giant amount of people in everyday. Usually, they got it with all this Southern Kitchen all over the walls. I know there were, there were signs everywhere. It was just
You sound so half-assed, it's making me mad. They sell fried okra, hush puppies and all the, all this kind of stuff. So but in the back, they have this like beautiful tree lines outdoor place where, where they would host you to host weddings and parties of any sort, maybe you would, but they, they would use the same kitchen from Po Folks. So, so that was it sort of a separate business that was owned by the same people but where you at like, I had to dress up and, you know, not a tuxedo but you know that part of town. Do you party down at first Party? Galaxy party gown.
Like a little more upscale versions over the board that Po Folks menu. That was the best stuff, you know.
Shameful, but make it better. So after that, then I went to college and the and I worked at Baker's Square in college.
And Bakers Square as opposed as opposed to Marie, Callender's where they let us take home. Full pies and cakes and whatever they had leftover Bakers Square, was the first restaurant ever worked at where they made, you throw away all the food, right? And if any homeless person, where do you need any the food and get sick, they would be able to sue them for millions of dollars, actually, which is what holy people are dying to do all the time, right? I was in Santa Maria, California and Bakers Square, Santa Maria California over by
By the way, I should say, on last week's episode, I saw Indecent Proposal at the Azusa 6. It was at the Arroyo Grande 6. So I wanted to connect later Arroyo, Grande, Pismo Beach fan. I know exactly where that is, this town called Guadalupe and my teacher, and it's just the shittiest town, right? And it's just boring and gross and, and you would never go into Guadalupe whenever you live in Santa Maria, but my teacher will have a different College down here. Fuk up a whole town and to suck.
That sucks, there's nothing to do. There's nothing I would look for just no restaurants and stuff. But anyway, my I remember my teacher down here in Orange County once like a picked it on a map because it sounded beautiful hair. Just like sounds good. She's there. So yeah, Bakers Square. I work there and I also worked at Dean Witter, with Bill Murray's, brother simultaneously it. What Dean Witter in Winter which is an investment firm restaurants, only sorry? Sorry, sorry. Sorry to hear about your life, is a corporate shill with Bill Murray's. Brother, you don't want to hear about. It was not, you know, Joe is why I was in when license to drive a tractor is not does that mean he couldn't have worked at Dino's? But this, this this one was like one of the
Top people at Dean Witter, so it's like, he that was his career. He does come from a family, like a living kids are, so yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Only half of them were accurate in so I would constantly be looking at him for Bill Murray signs of like, always acting like Bill Murray. Sorry.
But I was where I learned how to fax something, and I was able to put that on our way, we're getting far afield as a kid, because my dad had a fax machine in and I would fax my aunt at her work at the court. She worked at the mayor's office and Indiana that point. I would send her fax and then shoots to me, really legit faxes from the mayor's office and they were really funny and I have them all still. What do you mean? What, why are you so yours weren't with you a child with the letterhead? And then it would be like something about the front message from the mayor. And then I had a fax machine in the in the I want to stay in like the late 90s like
Faxing was a thing that would audition X your picture and resume. Sometimes only reachable by fax, it was a stupid short-lived thing that place and then like one at 1 and is a person who's like sending their head shot through and then the other person getting in there like
Okay, great.
Becomes a real shity quality in your life, right. That's what it looks like from her job. When I lived out here, she would sound like a big font, you know. Nice message to me, it was very sweet. That's cute. We also, by the way, I switch my roommate had to be first blood cell phones. But I had a pager that you would I might have told the story before but you cuz the doctor so I don't have to go to work that it was like she could call and you would leave a message with an operator and then operator would type out the message to me on my beeper. So it had like a little text on it but it was always wrong and it always make no sense. Like I don't know if it was an automated thing. That was typing it if the person to can't type it over, they heard and they didn't try to make it make sense, but it always made no sense. And then you have to figure out who it was from.
And try to call him back. And I really loved it though. I thought it was really cool and it was maroon. Clear.
Adam Levine, if he were a Scientologist,
Alright, I'll see you guys later.
My my my roommate had one and he was always pulling the car over its. So he could find a pay phone to call. The person is just like, never that important. I don't know where it was at the restaurant Roundup. No, no. I have way more. Okay. So so then Olive Garden in Cypress. California. That's the, that's the one that I didn't have a car. So I had to figure out the bus schedule and take two different buses. I would have to take a, but I would have to walk to the bus station about maybe a quarter of a mile, take a bus to Beach Boulevard, then, wait around for another boss. And the worst is, when your first bus arrives and you see the second bus leaving from the second, and you're always, like, running after him, and they won't stop my friend, Laura Wilcox. And I used to do what we still do to a person and props together.
A long time ago, we were going to a an all-female Comedy Festival in Austin, Texas. And I think this is probably 2010 or something and we were really broke and so we share hotel room and we bought like peanut butter and bread, and we are basically eating, like, just whatever from our hotel. We would never go out to eat. But I did have a $25 gift card to Applebee's. That was given to me at some point. And so we are like, okay, we're going to find out. We're going to go to Applebee's and we took multiple buses how far away is sambuca. It was really fun. We having a great. It was a hilarious time but it was just kind of funny. We took a bus really far and then we walked along a highway for a long time. I can grasp, this is the middle of nowhere and then we had like a shity meal and you know, Crystal had to pay $10 on top of it or whatever. We're not going to ride by the bat and then take the bus all the way back and it was just the time.
Do the the comedy club in Austin Cap City, which I close down, I guess is reopening, but they used to put you up at this, terrible hotel. And the reason they put the hotel was, was close to the comedy club, which is where you spend the least amount of time while you're there, is it? Cuz you're at the comedy club for 90 minutes and then the rest of the time, you're just in the middle of nowhere. And I remember how hard it was to get around without a car, you would, you would often be what if you, if you were walking anything, it would be grass by the side of the road, just to go get lunch or something at a Denny's specific memory by Southwest walking along the highway. Austin. That's how you have to get everywhere. I don't know. I think it's just cuz it's so spread out I guess. I'm like there's concentrated areas where stuff is going on. If you're not one of those areas you're just fuck. It was a Best Western that.
I guess at some point that they busted a prostitution ring that was happening. I I was in a room at my face when he was super villain. I smoked at the time and so I was in a smoking room and the guy who is in there, one one time, the guy that was in the week before me was a cigar smoker and the stench of the Gars was it was so unbearable and there was like,
I can burned in the bedding in the comforter. They will be cigarette and cigar bar in Saturday, believe that smoking hotels were thing. I heard about Snakes on a Plane once.
What do you hear about it? If so, do you ever Miss smoking? A lot. A lot, or a little. I never miss it. I never miss it. I once I was done, I was done. And I'm so sometimes I have anxiety dreams where I'm smoking and I'll, I won't realize I'm smoking until after I started smoking. And I'm like, what am I doing my streak? I feel like real shame about in the dream, if you're in the program that you would have stress dreams about drinking as well. Yeah. What stores or anything like that? Where you're trying not to do something or or something has changed in your life and you have a nightmare by The Tipping how it used to be or something. But I still dreaming about this particular house by the way.
Calling back in earlier episode. I've had several dreams at all right. All the time. The mall and walking weird. You need to go get help happy person that book about not smoking. I'm so sad. I almost want to read it because I don't smoke but I'm like what did fucking say that were? So I'll tell you, I'll tell you what it is is that it's, it's very it uses almost hypnosis techniques in a way is very repetitive, but what it really did for me was early on, like, early on in the book.
It got me to admit, I guess you to admit that you don't enjoy it. You don't enjoy it. Didn't you say that? It says, it says, don't stop smoking until the end of the book, but you read the first chapter and we're like, I just don't want to do this anymore. I did stop smoking before I finish the book, but it, but they do tell you don't, don't don't try to stop smoking and read the book, The still smoke. While you read the book and then gradually that like the urge Fades away. It's it's, it's remarkable. I recommended it. Some before people ask me to call the easy way to stop smoking by Allen Carr. And I have, I recommended it to so many people and it works, it works like a charm for most people. I got to say and I am for me. I I had it on my coffee table for a year before I read it.
And then once I did, I was like that, was it? Do you wish you would have read it earlier in the year, or do you think that you were just in the right eye with? Yeah, I think it was that I had to get to the point where I like, when I first got the book, I think it was that. I know this is not good for me and I shouldn't do it anymore but I wasn't yet a letter to the point where it's like I don't like this but I don't know how to stop doing it and the book the book really just kind of laid it all out in a very logical way that in a logical way. They're also really zeroed in on your emotions about it and so you were it's like, short of admitting. You just you just admitting something to yourself and then it all like Falls away.
Do you are you bummed that you don't look cool anymore?
That's my one regret. That's why I sometimes late at night, you need to sleep. I'll hold up a pencil and look in the mirror and pretend I'm smoking in front of a bright window open.
Okay, we're back during the break we're discussing. Whether it should be restaurant round up or restaurant ramble Because he believes I was rambling. They would be over by now but you're clearly rambling and just be clear during the break my opinion was never requested.
What do you what do you think it is a ramble?
I think it's the restaurant around upper ramble. I'd like to hear about all of your you guys's jobs only had like 2. But yeah, I'll tell you all about him or his babysitter. Then I was in movies. I also had a couple days and I worked a doc for you know how weak I told you the story. When I worked at the boat tours, place on Navy Pier in Chicago Boat Tours.
Yeah. What about you?
Boat tours, 30 minutes on the lake, 60 Minutes on the river.
Why the river twice as much time? Because a few longer to get back door of the Chicago River, okay? Really fun. Do you have this problem? Is that why you only worked on the dock for a week? But I always have this problem. I highly recommend if you go to Chicago to go on the architectural boat tour, there's a handful of them and it's so cool cuz architecture along the river is really beautiful and they explained everything and it's it's really fun. I love stuff like that. I love being on the boat and I love seeing a city that way we did Jamie and I are, we took an anniversary trip to Bali just like Emily. And we did a boat or on the side. And it was, it was a beautiful, beautiful afternoon. It was wonderful.
Well, I thought we talked about this on the, to infection in my leg and I almost couldn't walk. We talked about this cool app. Epic story. Convince me to take that bus tour around England because I would like bus tours. That sounds stupid and it just gave you such a good, you know, the city so big that it really made me go. I see you where everything is what the different parts of it so I recommended it to my camper. When we went to England on the tour and he really loved it too. So anyway, any flowers
We are constantly trying to think through things for Mike to do. Why don't you leave us? Alone is vodka straight vodka tour. Starting with him talking about how we like martinis. Now then I'm complaining about every month and we figured out. All it was was just straight, vodka into a glass or something, maybe maybe but, but I don't think he had any, what do you put in there? I don't think you have any for any time he had any Martini after that would for moviegoers. What is that was so funny. That weird restaurant you can hear about all of these? That's true. Yes, I agree more round up to around issues
Where I I listen I listen to the OJ Chase in the freezer where was being broadcast over the radio and I drove by on his in his Chase on the 91, freeway going from the radio. It's also where I believe I heard about Kurt Cobain dying dying but I do remember because they Rock in the kitchen. I remember the day he died, just it was just constant Nirvana songs that day that we were clearer about this makes my mouth.
This and I it's just more of a hassle for me and so I don't, I don't do it, but I guess I shouldn't my my, my little mouth and you can hear everything is closer to your little while. We were talking about a certain celebrity who there were rumors about them, having murdered someone and someone we know and and someone Paul is intimately familiar with said that would be crazy. I had to bring up OJ Simpson. How crazy it was that he did and it made her own kind of go. Hell yeah. You're right. I guess, I guess of well-known celebrity could be a murderer, really love right now. Her head was routinely battered by their job. Do you think that's what it was?
They could contribute to that. I mean like a duck that OJ made in America doc. Have you seen that if you had seen that address, so that talk is so good. So well done and it gives you a real history of
racism in Los Angeles and it's it's it, it really explains did not explain, but it it's sort of illustrate
Oh from further back than that for the back than that. Yeah. Like everything that built up to what could have caused OJ to be kind of not in a good, the frame is nice but his books about the OJ book is great and who's Patty Hearst has really good. But I heard that the whole fact of how he rose to prominence in the in the fact that they shot up the Patty Hearst, I doubt it was on live television. That was the first time that it ever happened that they had ever broadcast live on it on TV like a police thing like that would face is all I can see if you can look past the fact that every other sentence, he was jerking it, there they're really good though.
Is penis. If I feel like it would be fun for any of the people involved. But I always liked a good trial on tv like when your tuning in to see the trial and I would like one of those but it feels like right now. It's not really a time for a jury and all that stuff. I mean I don't even think about that. How they are handling jury duty jury duty and we both never had to go.
I'm sorry.
Turn on my coughing fit in both, we both didn't have to go. If you have a check in online every night and we didn't go and I was like, I'm not sure that he's not having us come say, like, oh we made it safe or whatever and anything about it, but I thought it was more like they are just going. We have to go to a system of asking people to come. You say you're going to go and then you don't you go and then you get off the hook for you. Also is getting divorced. Unzoom nice, right? Yeah, it was weird to see screen capture, someone's divorce, it didn't feel appropriate, that they know that who is doing that, I don't know.
Someone who someone who was like reporting under something was like, I got to watch this today so I can see what's the scenes of weird. I don't know why there would be any one that was outside of that proceeding. That would be watching much less. Anyone in the preceding saying, I'm going to take a snake, a tall spring-trap, and then you did a screenshot and I would have to immediately go to bed. I don't like, maybe I'll talk about this.
911 calls are public. So, any time of celebrity calls 911 they whines up on TMZ the next day. Like the worst one of the worst moments of their own so like that's in your head when you're calling 911 of like, I've got a sound appropriately, like, either composed or not composed or I don't think you're supposed to have a real red flag. Has it ever gotten in anyone's head? Were there like, okay, you called? Because I can't because they'll release this or something. I need to see an emergency situation. You can't be thinking like that but if you could just come as a person then you are thinking like that you go here. I just found compose but not composed is it shouldn't even be an issue for people? Like I shouldn't even pop in anyone's head?
1. What time is it is they have no morals and they don't care. No may just go deep into whatever it takes to get any information in their name, their lack of their lack of ethics. And you know what I mean? It's just what is TMZ stand. This close to you as we're allowed to get refers to the it refers to the filming area zone was that means the filming area, you know how, when you hit this real yeah it is still remember when we were making it Between Two Ferns movie like the farthest. That's like within a 30-mile zone is where all of the
All of the Union stuff like it if you film within that zone then we don't have to pay extra for travel all this kind of stuff. So there are these, like, weird little towns that are right on the edge of the Zone which is like as far out as you can go before you have to start paying everyone extra. So that's so they call it. The thirty mile zone is essentially TMZ is covering this. Thirty mile zone of like where celebrities are
Yes. Chris do you remember having to call the time by the way, Paul Morris Day say that I would do it, then they're being silenced and then they would say, okay, you can hang out. It wasn't like this in Philadelphia where you could while it was ringing, you could hear the other people calling
What? Okay, so, so this was and I don't know whether it was California's was specific, but when you called the the time which was you had to call, I think it was like something like 2, 2 2, 1, 2, 3 4 or any maybe is 555. And then the last four numbers, you can call any of the last four numbers in there. And it would still work and it would ring bring bring bring bring. And just anyone pick up and you would hear at the tone the time will be 6:48 and 30 seconds beep. But while it was, ringing anyone else who was calling at the same time? I would be saying, hi, can you hear me? And you could pull, you can hear them. And when I was like 12 and 13, basically, what you would do is you would shout your number over it and then try to get you talking about, try to get like girls, your age to go you and then have have like weird,
You have weird conversations where you would like to try to make dates. This is the Tom Sawyer island of the time. What time it is? Okay, I do know that from Full House and I hate to bring up Full House, Full House DJ wears. The same outfit as the teacher on the first day of school and it's humiliating and then everyone thinks he's a loser.
Absolutely, very, really bad. And then she goes into the phone because of the lunchroom and she just pretends that she's on the phone when she just calling the time for like, the whole time.
So that's where you. You never had to do that because by the time that you're cognizant of the time everyone else. I just think there were clocks ahead clocks you called the times. You could get set a clock time to set your clock. Yeah. So it's probably even in to mm, I think my parents gave me a clock that automatically set itself to the world clock or something like that. They called it the most accurate clock ever. And then there's any of that stuff within a few years. They're all out of business cuz cell phones have times that were exact. But but you can hear whoever else was calling the time. And so, kids, my age that you got around is like, oh yeah. Well I called I called the time. And someone this girl shouted, her number out, and I called and I made a date with her and I'll just cuddle.
Sonic and yeah so late. You might have just calling someone blindly and being like let's go out and like you would know if Lou and my parents are are due on the time they're like don't do that and we are I gave my address to somebody on instant messenger on AOL when I was a kid because we were talking in real life puppy pen pals. And then I was like, oh my God, never do some looking out, trash. All right. Now, are we going to pause the Restaurant Round Up Ram bar for just a second ago? We can get into. We can dress the counter. We can we can go to work at 4 so I'll just have to miss you. An apology. I am humiliated. I am devastated. I am known. Honestly, I am known for knowing theme songs. I have played games online, you can watch me, guess theme songs Just with the spoken word. I know that the fact that I
One such as you.
Wait, the Family Matters and Full House theme where I actually said people often mix up these 2 theme songs and that one was Full House. I my face is so red, I could just bury my head in the sand and I really am so sorry for how I know. I'm so sorry for everyone I hurt and I'm really sorry for everyone who's confused and you know and I think Paul even said I was telling matters and I said, no it was so real. I don't accept your apology, Paul have a field trip for that. That's okay. I accept your apology and may I further say that I am proud of myself for putting the Family Matters theme song over the Full House opening credits and posting on Instagram with joy because I thought at this this team's got my back
Fuck all you haters, haters you guys. Yeah, man, it sucks. It's never going to have mentioned Azusa and my manager at Olive Garden. Recommended me to the Glendale Olive Garden where I worked for three days. First of all, I had to take the most insane tests I've ever taken to work at a restaurant where they asked me to look like. Every like you had to know every single thing about every dish, which now, when you was
Spaghetti. And meatballs sweetheart. Now that everyone has what is Garfield's favorite food is food allergies. It actually makes a lot of sense that you would have to know everybody. But for most of my jobs, it's just been like all ask the cook and you come back and they know you know, but you know, the ingredients of every single thing.
And it was the longest restaurant with with a patio and he was super long, like a train car, whatever. And then your section, which is the most insane way I've ever worked at a restaurant. Instead of having, you know, Six Tables next to each other, you would respect on top in order to make it because I got some a lot of people likes, you know, being on the patio or whatever they is, and that's the most popular. So they're trying to be fair. So they divvied up where you would get one table and every single part of the restaurant. And so you had to run around the entire restaurant trying to check on your tables and it was just, it was crazy. So I already was was Fed Up by this place and then there was a guy who was 18 and he would follow around his older woman, who is like 65 or whatever and tell her about everywhere.
Next song in what he was parroting and what his parody.
He's our waiters waiters, okay. It was an eighteen-year-old guy and a 65 year old woman. We're both servers at this rate. They were both server and he was just following her during the entire shift and saying, like, I'm trying to think of one bit, like a, like a, like a surgeon like oh, you know, how does Like a Virgin? Well, we told her every lyric that was a parody and stuff and she just kept going with. That sounds funny. You like I'm going to be friends again someday, but you never was like, shut up. And really? I am. So then the the final nail in the coffin was the guy there. No, there was a group of people, my age were all friends and they invited me to go to Islands over in Burbank after a shift and one of the one of the women.
Record press trying to trying to like, make out with me and Island.
Nobody, or I would have fucking but it made it pretty apparent that if I were to return to this restaurant.
I would have to deal with this and tell her like I do. Hey, I'm not interested. And instead after 3 days of work, at at this Olive Garden. Well, okay, and my favorite Howard way out. Where is there a woman at every one of these jobs who wanted to know the person who like befriended this kind of year old woman? And I don't think so. There wasn't trying to say that she was always like that. So I went from there then I then I immediately went to change and I work there and then I went to Kevin Williams and whenever you whenever you started a new job were you nervous on the first day?
I mean, yeah, I think everyone kind of is although I was, I was a pretty good waiter. In fact, I got poached from Chin Chin to Cafe Cordial because the owner of Cafe Cordiale was in chin chin. And was basically like hey I never do this but you're like one of the best waiters I've ever had. So if you want to come over to my restaurant which is just like an insane thing really differing that much, you know, but he was just like you have a job if you want it. You're being very modest. Best way to fuck you. Will you please come to 255? You're very funny to hear if, so, how many is that? That's it.
How many stories are in the restaurants?
Please.
That's how you got your job, right? With your team Between Two Ferns. You showed me resume for y'all. Keep everything you've ever defeated ever add? Oh, Manna station! I forgot. That was my first job. I was going to say, you pull that out at the last second, I was going to say, oh, I can't, I can't wait to nail him with this, the Christian station, my parents church friends. Did them a favor by giving me a job. And then I think I was a terrible employee fired after 6 and you were the best way to, they never had. So it took all that time and all of jobs to really figure out your way.
Although I will say a Kevin Cordia of the owner, the owners who work there, she reprimanded me for the ketchup's and ugly.
And I did I explained to her that it was not part of my side work, I like told her. Oh no. That's the other. Waiters like we all divvy up the side work and then for the rest of the time I work there, she would.
Give me a disappointing look and say, remember to marry the ketchup's today. Dear.
I'll pray for you. I pray that you remember to marry the ketchup's. Why is there a yogurt place yogurt and then Christian greeting cards greeting cards and in like it was a Christian have Kristen for a dog.
Pictures of Santa Claus.
It was half Christian bookstore and I don't think we ever sold any of the Christian books. It was a failed business, it disappeared shortly after I got fired. Have told them that I needed to cut my hours back. 22-5 happened to me when I was in high school. Like I got a job at this pizza, place a call to Rizzo's and I would Rizzo from Grease and I was I start out as a as a busboy. And I remember another guy from my, from my class work there in the kitchen and was like, yeah, you know you keep keep moving up and eventually you can work in here and is he saying this? I noticed all the ideas like a burn bubble Coronavirus.
Play, man. I was like, I need to have all this time off and it was I was that was my ass mind where I was casting to see what I was at the time, it was absurd and the guy I like pretty much laughter my faces. You can still work here for like one day on. That's okay. I think I asked, I was like, well, we, we were first until 5 everyday in this was the only open till 7. I'm like. So, can I work from 5 to 7? And I didn't check the Styrofoam cup that I put the yogurt in there, all upside down on top of each other. And someone someone came back and said there are like spiders or my God. And my point is, that's the sickest thing I've ever heard is don't have a dirty, a styrofoam cup laying around restaurant.
How many bikes do they take? Before they realized that the base of it was spiders. I don't know. Cuz I was like where I was like really clean the glass windows that hard of our duties as sweetie. Yes, I remember these days we had to clean the, there were a big glass doors, and we had to clean those. And one time I was cleaning them and the actress Amanda Plummer, who was wish someone had a dream. Lydia, she was there with somebody else and so there be her, friend was browsing and she was outside smoking a cigarette. And as I was washing the door, the glass door needs to. Do you clean your windows at home? And I said, no, I don't.
she said,
and then when I was done and I was going back in, she went
Spanking clean. Oh my God. What? An amazing celebrity story time. I was working there and out the window. I saw Diane Keaton walk up the street in full. I Diane Keaton drag would like her hat and gloves, and everything. And it was one of the most exciting things. It was wild like, you know, you just instantly know who it is. And that was like, like a lot of famous people came in all the time, but that was like seeing somebody from mythology. You know, what I mean? It was really wild but that image is burned into my brain and yeah, it was really cool. Are you guys friends at that time? You and yours are 95 or 94? Did you start or what?
I got to know each other 95. I think it was 95. I think it was about a year and then I got fired and do anything the least bit interested in. I was like because I was so bitter at that job is as long as I work anywhere and I was really burnout working a day job because I had gone from, you know, doing stand-up in Philly, doing open mics to finally being able to support myself doing stand-up that I moved out here and I had to kind of start all over again from scratch. And I have to work a day job and I couldn't, I did not have the
Psychological tools to cope with my situation in life and so I decided to take it out of the company and I stole like videos act like I was guilty. Remember you talking about it? Like you felt guilty that you had all these videos. I mean you were like sort of like look at my collection but also like I did not feel guilty about until I got caught and then I had like the most profound shame I've ever felt in my life. When I got called in that office and write the manager said, they had no idea and the ends of the manager said, how long is this been going on? And I said, I've done it a few times. I like even then, but I had to return a bunch of videos that I've stolen. Did you like the ones that you didn't even like all that much do you? I feel. I feel a bag as if that was an orphan. I was humiliated humiliated and because I
Because I knew I was wrong like is he as as soon as it was and I talked about, I've talked about this in my stand up but as soon as as soon as I was confronted with it, it all wash over me like oh yeah I shouldn't have been. There's no justification for this like I should not have been doing this and this is this is profound shame.
Was making profound shame. I'm ashamed. We have to take a break, but when we come back, we'll have a 30k. I hate when you drag those CBB Segways our show. Sorry, so much will be right back.
Okay, we're back and it's time for the three trade Lauren has picked it. Okay, this one is called a rhyme time. It's submitted by Eric from Chicago one person, the rapper stinks of two words that rhyme with a then give the players two synonyms for those words. The players must send it to Herman, what the original rhyming words are whoever wins gets to be the Rhymer next. So for example, let's say I give you the words, Furniture tail. It's your job to figure out with a two rhyming words. Are you can ask me for him. And the answer is Fable. You can get pretty clever with the synonyms once you get going, but it helps to start with something easier. So you can ask me, questions, asked for hints and all that kind of stuff. So I'll kick it off. I got one ready to go. There's an easy one will do.
Feline shampoo, okay.
Okay.
Okay, how do I say that?
Okay, hold on. More than one word. Because some some things I'm being you don't have like a one-word, synonym. Can you do a two-word sending them? I don't know what you mean. But yeah.
Sleep space face.
Top top redhead.
How about a?
Dog speech, rest area.
Parking parking is what I was thinking of but yeah, parking like a fly.
Have you seen her car slot?
That's not funny, deer.
That's not clever. Deer.
Okay, me, I get it. Yeah, you you
Okay. Okay, I like where I am at going I'm going.
Wolf. Prey slumber.
Wolf price, Lumber sheep sleep.
You're just thinking about yours, not trying to guess his
Okay.
Pale fear.
Right, right. Right.
Why do sucks ass?
I thought it'd be really fun.
Rectangular follicles, Square hair, laughing really hard.
Okay, I won't even think about mine.
Argyle timepiece.
Plaid.
Swatch watch. No. Checks clock.
Bach clock.
Sauce clock. Oci help. I help. Okay.
you will learn yours cuz you weren't you were not thinking of you have to think about it, if you really want to try
Okay.
Potato seed.
That was a Christian bookstore. I worked at
The parable of the potato seed potatoes, he was the first part of it 2000.
The bud bud. Real estate bedding.
Piano Man.
Real estate better house.
Sheetz.
Betting or bedding, bed.
Double D.
Loft soft.
No.
Should okay? Do I give you another house house? Bill account website?
Head.
Domain.
Domain.
This is related to my previous clue.
Domain.
Domain duvet.
Mike link up the previous words with Real Estate website. Billow pillow. All right, we've turned the corner in the phone now we're having fun.
Stickley.
Tickly a duck.
Stickley diversion.
Failing flailing.
yeah, filing diversion diversion
Louis Q.
Yeah.
Ailing.
Fun activity.
Stickley hailing diversion pass time, not nothing. Riser pastime.
Barfing ferris wheel.
Ache.
Achy, Breaky
Is that right now, okay?
Hobbled limp pimp.
What was the last call I gave time?
Song, is this a a hobbled?
children's Pastime, hopscotch
The hobbles is.
Someone cuts off your foot, right? Then what happened.
Please play.
Lame game. Okay.
OK, Google. No.
Illuminate Joy.
You googling it.
Illuminate, Joy, lighting.
Gliding.
Illuminate, lighting.
Joy. Okay. How much oil will a flappy? Happy flappy happy. No, it's not flappy happy.
Give us another one. I can't think of it, okay?
On Turkish.
Turkish van.
Turkish.
On Turkish. What is Turkish rinky-dink? Laffy Taffy.
Turkish delight? Yes, he did it. Wait, I still have one to go.
Big Bear. Big Bear presentation.
Grizzly, Paisley, trip. Pip.
Aspen.
Ski.
Aspen revelation.
Not Revelation, Aspen presentation is good or Aspen display.
Snow show.
Very close. I'll just give it to you. It was snow Place showcase.
What?
I know why not? We were never going to get snow up against the people. No, yes, Wheel of Fortune will accept it under their run time rules.
They made their judges for all of their puzzle bull, guys. That's it. Thank you so much. That would I won't say it was fun but it was a game. No. I was just trying to let see Friday. She's going to break my zoom. Get the fuck off of. That is my dog.
Hi dog. Very cute guys. Thank you so much. We we hope to be back in the backyard by the way. I live next door to see you. That's why that way I want to swing with other music wouldn't be covered under her way. I couldn't think of the audible I heard under her wig audible Audible
Oh, that's a good one today that wouldn't want to be. So we will be back in the yard next time, I'm sure but thank you for listening. Don't forget that we are staying at my God. Don't forget we are against Freedom, USA on Twitter, know what? I don't know. Yeah. But wherever it, where Preston rate, if you can read us read us, leave a review day, whatever. If you can do this, if I dare you to wrestle challenge were all married. If you if we all go out one night a week, if you can manage to date. Any of us, we all go out to a bar, one night a week. If you can Sidle up to us next to us on the bar. We have to say all three of us at the same time that we all have to want to date you and we're not together. No, no.
We will each. All right, we'll see you next week."